Breakdown

Breakdown!

Ok I am usually a pretty strong person. Yesterday I finally broke down. I had a bad head ache, Ava would not lach on, I was cooking dinner, Tina was home from school, I was trying to do too many things at once. Randy was also asleep. He is working overtime so that we dont get behind on bills. I could not take anymore. My lack of sleep and all the noise got to me and I broke down and cried like a baby. Having two kids is difficult. Sometimes there is not enough of you to go around. Its alot different from when I worked in the daycare and I had 7 at once. Those seven go home eventally but I have two kids all the time. One of my problems is I worry way too much. I need to stop that. Ava is fine she is getting enough to eat. She is happy after I feed her. Its hard because there is no way to measure breast milk. You have to measure by how she acts and her poop. Tina is also fine. She is starting to understand that the baby just needs more attention right now. Having two kids is like being pulled in two different directions all the time. You worry double time. I thought worrying about Tina was bad now I have a second to worry about. See all the while this was going on I could have just woke up Randy, but I know how we need extra money and how important it is for him to sleep right now. I am sure things will be fine. I love being a Mommy and I am not complaining. I dont have many friends so writing on here is a good way to get my feelings out. Well the baby is due for her next feeding soon. I have to pump also to get a supply in the freezer so Randy can feed her too. Have a nice day!

Breastfeeding wonderful, but hard all at the same time.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant I have been determined to breastfeed. I really wanted to with Tina but with school and everything I thought it would be too hard. Well here I am breastfeeding and learning thats its not so easy. Breastfed babies wake up every two hours to be fed. They also need their dipars changed before you feed and after. Dont get me wrong I am not going to stop. I just need some place to vent a little. My breasts are full! I mean they are really full. I hope Randy and I can go get a pump in the next day or so. Ava is not able to lach on properly with all the milk I have and its causeing me to be dry and cracked. So with no sleep I am in pain. Good news, Ava is getting what is best for her. I think thats important. I dont mind a little suvering. Hell I had two HG kids if I can get through that then I can get through anything. Well Tina is home from school I need to pay attention to her. I hope everyone has a great day.

Being a mother of two so far

So far its been a challenge to include Tina while I am breastfeeding. I think she feel left out. Thats all it seems like I do is breastfeed. Last night I made cupcakes with her and that seemed to have helped. I also include her when I change dipars and I am try to pay as much attention to her as possible. I love them both the same and I hope they both know that. I got my first school Christmas present from Tina its a magnet with her first school picture. I love it. I got a call from Avas doctor today, she took the billen test and it came back that she has a high risk of getting jaundice. Well she had to retake it Friday and it was the same. When Randy gets home from work we are going to go and have it again. Hopefully it comes back better. I cant help but to be kind of scared. I know jaundice is curable but I still worry. I am not looking forward to the test. They are going to take more blood from her foot.

I feel bad about something and I know its silly but this year is going to be a small Christmas. I am only getting Ava one thing and Tina four and some things for her socking. I hope Tina is not disappointed. We just don't have the money. I am not working and things are tight. I need a breast pump and I haven't even got that yet. I need it before I go back to work. Well I better go. I have to get Ava ready to go to the doctors. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Ava is here

Well Avanelle did not want to be induced. She really showed me. Tuesday morning my contractions were 15 minutes apart and by 6 that night they were 7 so I went to the hospital to find out I was in early labor. They kept me and I had Ava at 3:53 am on Wednesday. Funny how I was suspose to start induction at 6 lol. Have to go Ava is crying but I will finesh when I am able to.

Maybe she dropped?

My belly feels lower for some reason I hope this means Ava decided to drop. I am still experiencing cramps and some pressure in my vaginal and rectal areas. I hope this means labor is coming soon. Randy's dad has been out of town and he gets back today so after today I am free to go into labor. I hope I get induced though. Its so much easier and faster. I will know what day and Randy can plan it off and I can start my maternity leave. I really am getting too stressed out about work. Its funny how you are the one who does everything and if you make a few mistakes you are the first person that gets pointed out. I really need a break and then I am going to decide if its better to look for another job. As much as I like my job, nobody appropriates me and I am not treated like I should be. Today Ava mobile comes in the mail. Its an ocean wonders mobile, it lights up fish on the ceiling. It was very hard to find at a decent price so I am so lucky. I cant wait to put in on the crib. The border gets put up this weekend. I am feeling so much better now that we are just about ready. I cant wait to see the child Randy and I made together. He is going to be a great father to both of our little girls. Well I hope everyone has a great day. Tonight is my last night of work and I am off for the weekend!

getting things ready, Tina, and odds and ends

Randy seems to think that next week is the week. I kind of think so too. We are getting the crib today since Walmart in Marion does not have it in stock. Probabl;y have to go to Columbus. Walmart sucks here! I am so ready for this baby.

Tina got new glasses yesterday. I had to pay for them and now I have to wait for Jeffs half. Who knows how long that will take. She got princess ones with little bows on the side they look so cute on her. I cant wait for her to get them. Should be in next week.

I think I am going to take Nikkias advice and go walking today. It might help. I also heard spicy foods, sex, nipple stimulation and c astral oil. I heard the oil is bad for you and the baby so that's out. The rest doesn't sound bad lol. I am sure there are a few Randy agrees with. I just hope this is over soon. I really need to have my body back. I think Randy would like to hug me without our daughter in the way. Well everyone have a great day! I am off to clean walk and whatever else I can do to get something started.

37 Weeks

I am now 37 weeks. I found out at my appointment that I am 2 cm dilated and fifty percent thinned out. I really hope this happens soon. We are almost ready. Hopefully we get the new crib today. I got the border in the mail yesterday. I still need a mobile and breastpump but other than that I think we are ready for our little girl. I think yesterday was a wake up call for Randy he finally realizes how close it is. I do too and I also know that Avas day is her day. I will throw people out if they talk about the name I will not mention. I am tired of taking a back seat to certain peoples baby and pregnancy. Ava will get her day! I mean my baby shower was not bad but there was alot of talk about someone elses baby when the day was suppose to be about Ava. I mean I have experienced worse. I was hooked up to an iv dehydrated in Er and all they could talk about was her perfect pregnancy and how she was afraid she was going to loose the baby when it came out. Ava will get her day! I am still having these pains so hopefully she is here soon. I have a feeling next week will be the week. I will keep everyone posted.

Nesting

Alright now I know I am getting close. I am getting so aggravated by the fact that everything is not ready. I am actually online right now writing a list of things I still need. I have been cleaning like crazy and cramping in the morning. I really think its a matter of time. Monday is my doctors appointment I am hoping he has some news. I hope I am thinned out or something. I really cannot wait to have this baby and finally get life in order. Randy doesn't get it because he is not the one who feels all the kicks and knows that at any second this baby could come and we are not completely ready. Its his first kid and he just doesn't get it. I am having crazy dreams too. Last night I dreamt of blood. I went to the bathroom and there was blood all over my hand and everywhere. Then I had the baby and she was fat! Somehow I hurt her, when I was trying to feed her. Then I woke up and realized I was having mensuration like cramps. I been having those every morning lately. I really hope this is my last weekend working 12 hour shifts. I don't know if I will be able to do it much longer. I am tired sore and my body is has had it. My legs are in constant pain. Resting does no good, walking does no good, bananas does no good, calcium does nothing either. Massage works for awhile. I am just tired and I am ready for this little girl to get here. Hopefully next week or the first week of December. I have my money on the first week of Dec. Well I am off to clean and price some more things. My husband and I need to talk. Have a great Thanksgiving! I have to work so I will try.

I think it's called hormones

Ok I am tired of being pregnant I cannot wait to have this baby. There are times when I am very moody. I think Randy and I may have our first real argument if I don't get a hold of myself. He is really annoying me. I feel like he criticizes everything I do. It could be just me, my body is going through alot as I get bigger. I am also super stressed out about having the baby, I really don't feel like I am ready, I am ready but I dont think I have everything. I wish we never bought this house sometimes because I think we would have everything right now. We are just now ahead on our bills but mortgage payment is coming and so is the baby and I really hope we get the few things we need before she comes. I just am so stressed and kind of depressed. Randy of course doesn't feel that way he is a guy he doesn't know what a baby needs. I have to tell him and I don't think he will get it til she is here. I love Randy but he has big changes coming and I don't think he realizes how much you change when you have a child. I just hope everything between us is the same. I really am scared that things will change. I think its because things changed between Jeff and I. Not in a good way either. A baby adds alot of stress to a relationship and I don't think he realizes that either. I guess I probably should talk to him about these things but I am afraid I will cry .My emotions are up and down all around even. Well if anyone has any advice feel free to give it I need all I can get. I am really open.

35 weeks

I am 35 weeks pregnant!! I am getting there. I cannot wait for Ava to get here so I can hug my husband again without my belly in the way. I am sure he is looking forward to it too. The heartburn is here now I cant hardly eat anything with tomato sauce or anything spicy. I can feel the burn all the way to my throat. It will be ok though only a few more weeks. Well I am off to fix our check book. I am like a Secretary for our finances or something.

I usually have all the anwers

I am usually the one who has all the anwsers when it comes to my kid and I am amazed by how stumped I am. Christina is going through alot right now, New Stepfather, New Sister, Going to school, Father in Iraq for 15 months, and I went back to work recently. Thats alot for a five year old to deal with. Well anyway last night she was horrible and if you know my child you know that she is very well mannered and behaved. She refused to get out of the bath tub. She started talking like a baby and crying. It took an hour to finally get her in bed. I just cried my eyes out. I asked Randy what I was doing wrong. As usual he reassured me that she is just going through alot and we will have these nights. I hope she knows that I love her and if there is anyone in the world she can talk to its me. I may not know everything and I cant fix everything but I give good hugs and I love her like nobody else does. I am sure I am over worrying. I am just going to give her extra attention and make sure she knows I am here for her. Randy is going to do the same.

Doctors appointment

Yesterday I had my 34 week check up. Lately everyone has been telling me how I only look 5 months pregnant. It got me a little worried so I asked Brenda if she was worried and she told me I just carry babies well. Everything looked good, the babys heart was good and I was measuring right on. Brenda also told me how they had a meeting in the morning with their students that they are teaching and they mentioned my HG case and how my insurance would not help me. I cant believe I am a training tool lol. I guess one good thing came out of my HG besides Avanelle. Brenda told me that next time she sees me I will be in the safe zone and ready to pop at anytime. I really hope it doesnt happen at work. I will have to wait for someone to release me and that could suck. I think I just want induced, but I dont get to make that decision. I am now 160. I gained a pound in the last few weeks. I went from 154 to 134 then I went back up to 154. Now I am finally 160. So in all if you count gaining it back , which that's how the doctor counts it I have gained 6 pounds from my original weight.

I have to work all weekend long and Monday so I wont be on here alot. I am exhausted now. After I take Tina to school I plan to try to sleep for an hour more or so. Brenda told me to rest when I can. Well I hope everyone has a great weekend. I know I will try to. I have to work 24 hours out to 48. I am off next weekend I cant wait.

Tina and school

I had my first teacher conferance and I have to say that I was very pleased. My daughter is doing great. She is already showing improvement from the beginning of the year. I am so proud. I dont take all the credit though she has a great teacher and a great stepdad. Of course there are areas she needs help in like every child. We will work hard to improve those areas.

On a bad note, Marion City Schools did not get their levy passed. The bad part is that it was old money. They were not asking for new money. I cannot begin to understand why. There are so many reasons why the levy should have passed. First the most important reason. the children. Then you look at Marions economy and it would do so much better if we had some better jobs in Marion. No business wants to move into Marion with these school issues. Also when you look at what public school means we are going to pay for it one way or another thats why its called public. Right now the schools are borrowing from the state and we have to pay that back with interest and when it all is said and done we are going to pay a hell alot more then if we would have passed the levies. I guess its going to take major cuts for people to get it. I disagree on how we get the money for the schools but life is not fair and sometimes you just have to deal with it. I am just ashamed I guess to live in a town where people care more about being right then our childrens education. These small people are going to be running this town someday and if they are not well educated we are going to be in trouble. In my opinion education is the foundation of everything. We teach ignorance then thats what we end up with. I am going to teach my daughter how you cant win every situation and sometimes you have to pick your battles. While I disagree with raising property taxes, I see the big picture and that is my daughter needs an education and money is not all that important when it comes to that.

My weekend and crazy me

Randy and I painted the baby's room. We are not expert painters or anything but the room looks nice. I am glad to see things coming together. I went to the surprise party for my grandma, only to be shocked to see that she was smoking. I guess the talk is coming soon. I am really not looking forward to it. I am very upset with my relatives they should of been respectful and not smoked around her. They all know how hard it is to quit. I did not stay long at the party the smoke was enough to kill you. Plus the drinking my relatives do I cannot tolerate. I was tired too. So Randy and I went home and spent the evening alone. Christina stayed at my moms. My mom left early too so she was not at the party very long. I started having false labor contractions and I had them off and on on Sunday. I had a few this morning but nothing progressive. I really think I will be lucky to make it til Dec. Especially since I am having false contractions already. My body just aches constantly and I cant wait for it to be over. I am ready to hold that baby. ( I became an aunt over the weekend too.)

I found out today that I left my keys at Randy's moms house. I have to work today and I have no way of getting there. I cannot believe me. Its ok I don't really need my car til tomorrow. Hopefully Randy can get my keys while I am at work. I cant believe I forgot my coat with my keys in it. I really hope they still are there. Thats my only copy. Well I guess I am off to take Tina to school. I hope I have a better day with my contractions.

My Busy Weekend

My weekend is going to be very busy! Saturday is my baby shower and a surprise party. Sunday is the day we want to start painting, and over top of it all my brother is having my little niece today. I hope I get to see her. I dont see my brother much so I am not sure if it will happen or not unless I go to the hospital. So many things to do and so little time to do them in. Well I am off to visit with family! They came down for my baby shower and the surprise party. I have not seen my cousin since I was 16.

Halloween

Well today is the day! Finally this year I can spend Halloween with my daughter. I have never had it off for the last two years. I cant wait to take lots of pictures of her in her costume. We are planning on staying in Fairpark. Then we are finally going to carve our pumpkin! We wanted to do it earlier but we have been so busy on my days off that it just hasn't happened. I am getting excited about having my baby shower this weekend, and about going to my grandmas surprise party. Its going to be very busy on Sat. Sunday we have to take the dog to training and hopefully I can get Randy started on painting. I am going to help as long as things are well ventlated and I take frequent breaks I should be fine. I still have to order the border. Its really going to be cute after its finally done. I cant wait to get the furniture in there so it looks like a nursery. I have alot of pictures still to hang. I am so glad I am having a baby, I really have wanted another since Tina was three, due to the depo shot I was infertile for awhile. I am kind of glad I was. I would not want two children with Jeff. I would not want another child hurt constantly its bad enough Tina has to get hurt by him sometimes. I hope someday he grows up and becomes responsible. well I am off to get Tina ready for school. I am going to be alone again today til 3. I might get some major cleaning done today. The closet in my room is a mess! Well I hope everyone has a great day.

Baby shower

New week

Its a new week. I am now 33 weeks pregnant and feeling tired all the time. I run out of breath walking from one end of the house to the other lol. I am not sick anymore, no idea how it must of been all the fruit I have been eating, my cold last only a few days. My baby shower is this weekend I am excited. Finally a day about me and Ava. I always put everyone before myself thats just how I am but for once I am going to let people put me first, atleast for one day. My Grandma has a surprise birthday party right after my shower. She has no idea. I am not going to stay long because I cant drink anyway and all the smoking will probably kill me. I shouldnt be around it anyway. I love her and I am glad she is having her 60th birthday I hope she has 60 more. My grandma deserves half the day and I intend on giving her that. I really hope my baby shower is about me and not Char. I dont want to hear about her baby I dont want to see her baby I just want to be with my friends and family talking about my baby. I am actually really nervous about having Ava because of how some of Randys family members have acted. I am afraid that the family is always going to compare the two children and I dont think that is right. Ava is going to be special in her own way. No she is not going to be premature, but she is going to still be special and beautiful. If they dont see that then they don't need to come around. Its not a competition and I should not have to fight to get my daughter noticed too. I mean Randy's sister almost forgot she was throwing me a baby shower on the 3rd!

BAck to work Halloween

I have to go back to work today and tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it. I never am satisfied with the time I spend with Tina and Randy. I cant wait til maternity leave so I can really spend some time with the two of them. I fell asleep as soon as trick or treat was over. I felt bad because I really wanted to spend time with Randy. I didn't get to and I woke up early this morning just so I could see him for a half an hour. I cant wait to finally get to wake up with him this weekend, besides being with Tina its what I love the most about being off. Well I am off to watch doctor phil suspose to be a good one.

I am so tired! I wish I could just stay home and rest. I cant go back to sleep because my throat is killing me and my nose is all stuffy and I cant breath. I have a feeling today is going to be a crappy day. I get paid today but its morgage payment time. By the time we pay that and Randys cellphone we have like 68.00 thats assuming I get paid about 532 or so. Hopefully I get paid more than that. I should I think my training should be on this check. I found out I have to work on Thanksgiving which is good because I will get paid holiday pay. I am kind of sad because I wont get to spend the whole day with Randy but thats life. His mom will just have to start dinner after I go to work. I plan on putting in that I want Easter off. I worked it last year and I really think that me having two kids should be a good reason to get it off. Plus I have to work Thanksgiving this year and everyday up to the next Monday.I bet Karen and Bob get Thanksgiving off. I wont have to work Christmas this year though, (not like we actually celebrate it) We celebrate winter solstice, which is on the 21st or 22nd depending on the year. I cannot wait for materity leave. I am so ready for it now. My legs are killing me. Hopefully they are right about second pregnancy the labor goes fast. I am going to sign up for a breastfeeding class. I think it will give me something to do. We dont have time to take Lamaze not like it helps me anyway. When I am in pain that's all I can think about. I thought about getting a video at the library and watching it with Randy. Well I am going to get a drink and lay down til Tina gets up for school. I have to work tonight so I will probably sleep most of the day at least til the soaps come on or Randy calls me at lunch.

Well today has been better than yesterday, I finally caved and took some meds. I looked up to see if they were safe in a book I have. Both were level b. The only thing that is a level A is water lol so that's pretty good. I got some sleep and I am feeling a little better. The staff meeting this morning was canceled thank goodness! If I have to listen to Tammy's mouth on top of being sick I don't know if I would be able to keep my mouth shut. I never heard some much unintelligent stuff come out of one person.

Randy is getting sick too. Yesterday night, we layed together with Tina in our bed and talked. Tina really enjoyed being cuddled in between us. Then we watch that kid nation show. My daughter really likes it. I think she likes that bratty character Taylor. If my kid acted like that one on tv I would be very embarrassed not to mention disappointed in my child. I can just imagine what that little girl is going to be like as an adult if someone doesnt discilpine her now.

My work is going to love me ( not really) I have to take several days off next month. Tina has teacher conferances and safety city graduation. I am not missing either one. Plus I am going to tell work that I can no longer come in for two hours on Tuesdays. My daugher needs me to take my days off right now. She is going through a rough time and she needs her Mommy. I will only be loosing like 20.00 I am not that worried about it. Plus I am getting really pregnant and I need to rest at home on my days off, that's probably why I am sick now.

My daughter got her school pictures back they are so cute. I have not got the chance to scan it and put it on here yet but look for it soon. Well I guess I better do what I told Randy I was going to do today, rest, and go to work. We need the money if I take today off I am loosing like 70.00 we can't afford that. Plus today is an easy day its Thursday. Well I hope whoever actually reads my rants has a great day. I know I will try to.

Terrible Tuesday

Today has been a terrible day. It started with Randy being late for work then I woke up and realized I am getting a nasty cold. Its raining outside so now Tina wont be able to play outside like I wanted her to. Hopefully the nap I took and the fact I am using a vaporizer starts to help my stuffy nose and throat. I cant take anything, well I refuse to I guess is a better way of saying it. I have taken way too many medicines with this pregnancy I am just going to let my cold run its course. Most of my meds were level bs but I did take one level C. Plus I am not a medicine person anyway. I wont usually take anything for a headache. I might as well get used to it now while I am breastfeeding I cant take anything anyway. Ava is feeling great! She is kicking me like crazy! its probably all the water I am drinking. She is head down and I am so happy! Christina was breech and I had to have a painful procedure done to move her the right way to avoid a c-section. I really did not want to have that done again. I think she has been head down most of my pregnancy I have felt her little hiccups low in my pelvis. I cannot wait to have both of my little girls with me. Our family will be almost complete. I have never seen Randy so happy, he puts his head on my belly and closes his eyes and I know he is imagining having his first child. Dont get me wrong he loves Tina but he was not there for my pregnancy or her birth so its a whole new experience for him. He is father material I knew that the day he met my daughter and went into the play room at my moms house and started playing with her. A month later she asked to go with him to his moms house to play. I let her, and she had a great time with him. They still play together. He has always been the one to put her to bed ever since we moved in together about a year ago. I love it. I love having a husband that loves children as much as I do. He is so much like me, he loves to learn new things. He is constantly thinking of my daughter and I love that about him. Well I am off to blow my damn nose again lol Hopefully I feel better before the weekend I work 24 hours.

My baby shower, Doctors appointment today

I finally got all my invitations for my baby shower. Its going to be November 3red. I am so excited. There are going to be alot of people there that I dont know. I really hope nobody brings their baby because the day is about me and my baby. I know how people get with newborns and especially Randys grandma all she can talk about is Chars baby. I get real sick of hearing about her. Hopefully the day is about me. I think after all I have went through that I deserve one day about me. I mean back when I was throwing up blood, any spit I swallowed and the wonderful stomache acid I did not think this pregnancy was going to make it this far. I am so glad that it has. There were days when I was really scared. I know Randy was too. When I look back the most horrify moment was when I seized in ER and I woke up not knowing where I was. I seen Randy, his face was filled with tears and he had this look of horror on his face. I will never forget that. I knew something bad had happened and that I did more than pass out. I wanted to give up at times I thought I was never getting better. You cant forget those times. All the ER visits, all the times I was hospitalized and away from my daughter. All the times I did not have the strengh to take care of her because I had not eaten in days and I was dehydrated. I am so thankful that I had a great family that helped me through that. My mom kept Tina so that Randy could be with me. Even though I slept most of his visits. I knew he was there. I remember all the nights I cried on his chest making it all wet, and told him I just wanted to die. HG is a horrifying disorder it takes your life away from you. I had no control of anything. I remember when I could not smell food at all or even Randy. If I smelled those things I would vomit. I remember eatting pedilite pops and throwing up each and everyone after I was done swallowing them. I could not eat or drink anything. Not even water. My body was rejecting it. I lost 20 pounds and I looked horrible. I should have been on iv therapy at home but I never got my insurance to cover it. So I had to go to the hospital 1-2 times a week and stay a two to three day span til I was hydrated and could function again. The funny thing about all of this is that this is the second time I did all of this. I did the same thing with Christina. I still graduated from high school on time after being out most the the year. I am proud of myself I have never fully let the disorder keep me from having children or accomplishing my goals. I think I would do it again. Of course Randy and I have alot of talking before that is written in stone. I will have two kids to take care of. I wont be able to do it without the support and help from my family again. I really want to try for a little boy though. If it doesnt happen then I will still be happy. Yeah I would defintly do it all again. I am going to go to a specialist next time though. I also think I am going to take them up on the picc line. I dont have any veins left after the two kids. All the veins in my arms like to blow. Plus I dont want any more scars from ivs. I have plenty between the two times. Well enough of that too many things I am remembering kind of making me teary.

I have a doctors appointment this morning I will update this page when I get back. Have a great day, my daughter is home today I know I will.

My doctors appointment went pretty good. I was measuring a little smaller only by 2 cms though. I asked the doctor about my pressure and she said its normal with second pregnancy and that the baby is face down! I was glad to hear that I dont want any more breech babies. I also asked her about why I was induced with Tina and she said it was due to her being too small for gestational age. The basically thought she was not growing correctly and that she would do better outside of the womb. Makes me worry a little after measureing small. Well I gotta get ready for work.

31 Weeks is wonderful

31 weeks is wonderful. My legs are killing me and I woke up at 1 am to find my fingers swelled. My wedding ring cant come off. I mean they are not swelled bad just enough to keep them on my finger. Nothing else is swelled. I am peeing alot so I am fine. Its normal, no need to even call the . doctor. This did not happen with Tina so I find it kind of weird but every pregnancy is different. I am still having that iron issue, I cant take the vitamins because they make me feel sick. So I have to just eat more meats. Or find away to take them. I am so glad I am off today. I really need a day off. Tomorrow its back to work though. Tina doesn't have school so I will get to spend more time with her.

Finally an update

Ok finally I can tell everyone how Ava got here. She is asleep and I am not too tired. I was suppose to be induced on Wednesday but Tuesday I woke up very campy and by the end of the day my contractions were 6 minutes apart. I called my doctor he sent me to the hospital. I got there about 6:30. I was hooked up to a monitor and I found out that I was 80 percent defaced and that I was going to have the baby on Wednesday no matter what. The pain was not bad at first, so I walked around the hospital to help the contractions. By 9 I was begging for some pain meds. I had to wait til I was 4 cm. The pains would not have been so bad if they would not have been in my legs too. Finally about 11 or so I got the epidural. Randy was freaked out because I moved while they were giving it to me. After the pain meds things went fast. So fast that I started throwing up and passing out. I passed out two times it was pretty scarey. Then at the end the baby was not completly dropped so I had to sit up in the bed and try different positions to help her move. Finally she did. I was 9 cm forever it felt like. I started to push without the doctor. The nurse got her crowned and I had to wait on him to get there. I really was upset because I wanted to push I mean I really felt the urge. Finally he got there and I had two contrations and 4 pushes and she was out. I remember seeing her covered in while vernix. She was crying and all the while Randy looks like he may pass out. He cut the cord and helped get her cleaned up. I was not allowed to get up because my feet could not hold me. She reminds me so much of Tina they look so much alike. I guess both of my girls look like me.

I decided to breastfeed. It is so tough the first few days. You dont have any milk and its a waiting game. I felt terrible that I could not feed Ava right so I did some supplementing til it came in. Well Friday it finally did. Yeah it came alright. I was so engorged I could barely move. Ava loved it though. She started feeding alot better and even though that its painful I love doing it. I know that my child is getting the very best.

Yesterday I got their pictures done with Santa I hope to get them up when I have the time. I also took some cute pictures in front of the Christmas tree. I love having two children and I hope I can balance things out so I give both the attention they need. Its just tough right now, I am just learning the breastfeeding thing so it takes awhile to feed her. I am going to get a pump so that randy can feed her to. Well I guess I better go. I have other things to do while Ava is sleeping. I will keep everyone updated on how my girls are doing.

Birhday party

Tina had a pretty good party. Her friend from school came and a few relatives. I was happy that it wasnt too many people less of a mess for me to clean up. She got skates, a stooter and outfits. So she made out pretty good. I was kind of sad because once again she is growing up. But by the end of the weekend I came to terms with it.

I am now 31 weeks I have hopefully 7 to go. I am feeling ok besides tired. My legs feel better because I am taking more iron. I have a doctors appointment on the 16th I think. Well thats pretty much it for today.

Last Day

Today is my last day of work for awhile. I am going on materity leave as of tommorrow. I am kind of scared about having this child. I hope I can remember what I did with Tina to make her such a good child. I hope Randy and I can work good together as parents like we have so far. I guess everything is making me nervous. I know Randy is scared to death. I have to be the strong one though I am the one with the experiance. I have to reassure him that things will be ok. I am glad he doesnt read my blogs. If he knew how nervous I was it would make him more nervous and he is already chewing again. I wish he would stop but who am I to tell him how to express the way he feels? I think everyone goes through this if you have one or a dozen kids. I am sure everything will be fine. I have a great family to back me and some great friends. I am the most nervous about money. I hope my maternity leave does not mess us up since we just got caught back up. My income is very inportant to my family. I am sure we will be fine I just worry to much. Well I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas I may not be on much in the next few days but look for pictures of Ava. Take care!

Another Snow Day

Tina is home from school today again. She has used up two of her five snow days in one week. I hope the rest of winter is mild. I am not looking foreward to my last weekend at work at all. Of course nobody got the stuff we needed last weekend and I am going to have to get it 39 weeks and all. I am about the only person there that does anything I swear! Last night they forgot to get someone to cover third shift. I had to stay over an half an hour til someone finally relieved me. Yeah I got paid but thats not the point. I have a child to get up for school and if she would not have been closed today I would have been very grumpy toward her because I did not get any sleep. It takes me about an hour to wind down to get to sleep so I was actually asleep by 12:30. Being pregnant defintly does not make that whole situation better. We have alot to do before Christmas I have not even started shopping! We have been broke with bills and baby coming. Tina is not getting much this year unless Jeff pitches in. Last year he did not pitch in at all. With him finally being out of the rear with child support it makes my payments lower and I had to add more money in to pay my car payment. Yeah I use my child support for my carpayment. Some people think that is wrong but what most people dont get about child support is that its a reimbursement of money I have already spent on cloths food and many other things. Jeff is reinverseing me every month for his portion for supporting her. So the money is for me to do with what I want. Plus the child needs a ride back and forth to school and doctors. Without my childsupport I could not afford a car. I really really do not want to go to work tonight. Its the same stuff different day. I really hate driving in the snow and ice I hope I do not have to take those girls out to cash checks. I probably will wait til tommorrow. I will go before noon that way I can relax tonight. Tomorrow I have to work 9 to 9. I have grocery shopping to do. Major grocery shopping. Well I am off to get ready.

Snow Day

Today is a snow day for Tina. Its her first one so she was kind of confused this morning. She did not understand at first why she could not go to school. Once she got it she was excited.

Well in 6 days Ava is going to be here. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. Tina is over the moon. Randy seemed to think I was going to be pregnant forever so he was shocked when I told him I was going to be induced. I really think they should call it eviction no induction. I am evicting this child out of me. I cant wait to be me again. I loved being pregnant besides from April to Aug. but its time to wear jeans again. I probably will be able to fit back into them from the hospital. I hardly gained any weight and when I had Tina I was wearing them again immediately.

29 wekes

I have an over due doctors appointment today. I am a week late on this appointment and doctor Moodleys office had to work me in. I have to drink the sugar water stuff and get blood taken. I will update this when I get back. I really hate needles!

I went to my doctors appointment, and everything was fine! The baby is growing as she should and I am now back to where I started weight wise. I am 156. I gained 8 more pounds since my last visit. Which is very healthy. ( since I lost 20 pounds in the beginning) I have to go back every two weeks now til I am 36 weeks. I asked the doctor about my legs and he said to eat more bananas and exercise. So thats what I am going to do. I of course had to have blood taken but I am sure everything will come out fine with that, since everything else is healthy. Only 11 more weeks to go and I am sure it will go fast. I cant wait to meet Avanelle. I dream about her sometimes, I cant wait to experiance breast feeding and to bond with her. I hope she has Randys beautiful blue eyes. Well she will have blue eyes more than likely I have gray-blue eyes and most of my family has blue eyes. But it takes a few months to be able to tell anyways, their eyes change. I remember that Tinas were blue then as she got older they became hazel like Jeffs. I guess I am getting really excited. I am so glad that the last half of this pregnancy has been healthy! I think I deserve a good last half and a easy delivery for the hell I already went through in the beginning. I mean being admited once a week up to 17 weeks was hell. I am glad I have better insurance so if I ever have another baby I will get the home health care I need. Well I am off to eat some bananas like Dr. Moodley told me to.

Avanelle is coming...

The baby is coming next Wednesday at 6 am. I am so excited!Randy doesnt know yet I cant wait to tell him. I am going to be so glad that its over. She is going to be between 5lbs and 5 13. As big as Tina. Ava is just no longer growing and I think it would be better for her to be here. Come see me.

Finally

No I did not have the baby! I figured the title would fool some of you. Anyway Randy and I finally got the baby's room done. It looks beautiful. The good thing is that we did not spend much. I am very happy. I been having those fake contrations still. Its like a big tease! Everyday I hope they are closer apart. Of course they are not. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, I hope he has some good news. I been cramping all weekend and I have been so tired. So Hopefully baby is here soon.

Drained

I work every other weekend and this weekend was my turn, I am so sore. My legs are killing I barely can walk. I kind of wish I was gaining weight all over besides just in my belly. I dont know how much longer I can work full time. I thought I could do it but I am tired and sore all the time. I liked it better when I was getting 27 hours. I think its time to call the doctor and see what he thinks. Or I could wait til I see him Thursday morning. Saturday I had one of those Braxton Hicks contractions but I drank a whole glass of water and relaxed and it went away. I really hope I am not over doing it I am only 29 weeks I have a ways to go. Well I guess I will be ok we need the money so I will probably just tough it out unless the doctor doesnt want me to. Well I gotta clean the house today. I love Randy but he is not much of a cleaner.

First Day

First day of school today! I guess I am as ready as I will ever be. Tina has her clothes picked out, book bag ready and everything seems to be in order. Mommy just has to get ready emotionally. Everyone who doesnt have school aged kids dont think its a big deal, until you are there you have no idea. School is a big deal, it shapes them after they are done for the rest of their lives. I am really not ready for all of this, but I know that its for her own good. Its good that I get to stay for the first 75 minutes or so. I know it wont be for her but for me.

After school today Foxy comes home. We are so excited. I have to work til 11 but I know my team will do a good job without me.

I took Tina to school and it was hard to leave. I am ok though only cried a little.

Yesterday

Yesterday was a pretty boring day, I got my new liences made, and I applied for a new soc sec card. Then by the time I got home I had to get ready for work. I went to work. I came home seen my husband for like 10 minutes and fell asleep playing with his hair. I have to cancel my appoint for my obgyn today because I dont have insurance yet. The insurance company said my insurance will be back dated from the time we were married. Randy is going to be able to cover Tina which will be great. Jeffs insurance sucks and they want me to jump through fire to cover her. She cant even go to Dr. Davis. Today I am going to shampoo carpets because my worst fear has came true the dog is stinking up my house. I am going to get that baking soda laundry detergant it works well with ordors and stains

Married finally

The wedding was nice and entertaining. We did not have a rehearsal so it was crazy. We could not find the music on the cd so the wrong song played at first. Christina and Luke did not wait for best man and maid of honor to go to the end. I cried while saying my vows and to stop crying I laughted. It was a really emotional day. But the goal was achieved we are finally married and we are a family. I love him so much, and when he said his vows to me I know he meant it and I know it will never change. So overall we got what we wanted, Married and our friends and family were there and thats all that counts. I will have pictures posted as soon as I get them.

I am so sore

My body has had it! I think this time around I have really done myself in. I am so tired and sore I can barely walk. I dont know how I am getting married tomorrow. I mean its not just my legs like before its my whole damn body. I have never been so sore. I dont remember feeling this way with Tina and I went to school and carried a book bag all day. I guess I just cant have kids easily. First I loose 20 pounds, then I ache all over when I start gaining weight. I am so cranky too I can feel myself being irriable. I dont want to be that way. I guess I should just cry and get it over with.

A few days left

I only have a few days before my wedding. I am so excited that I want to cry. Pregnancy hormones again lol. I tried on my dress and I look so fat! The pictures are going to look terrible. I guess its a story to tell Ava, I was 7 months pregnant when I married her father. I havent seen Randy in a few days atleast it feels like it. Its hard to have a relationship on different shifts sometimes. I really hope people dont talk about how fat I am. My white dress really shows my pregnancy. I hope people think that I look pretty atleast even if I am fat. Randys friend Lewis is coming I am so glad I got ahold of him for Randy. I really want all his friends to be there. I dont have many friends so I wont really have any besides the new friend I recently made. I am really looking foreward to having a friend. I really think that we are going to become good friends because from what I know of her we are alot alike. She seems to love kids like I do. She is a good mom and she seems very devoted to her husband. Funny how people can fog how you see people and then when you take a look for yourself you discover that you wasted alot of time thinking bad things instead of having a good friend. Life is too short for that kind of crap. I hope sometime we can go out to lunch alone without the men. I think that would be nice. Well I am nervous about the wedding. I am going to cry probably the whole time. I really dont care either, for once I am finally going to be happy and I think I deserve that.

too fat for pants

I can no longer fit into my pants! I am not sure if thats a good thing or not lol. People are finally saying that I am looking pregnant. I even was told that I look cute!

Wedding

September 23 @4:00 Randy and I are going to get married. The thought of it makes me want to cry. I love him with all my heart and I really cant wait to be his wife. We have been through alot together. He has been there for me when I thought that I was going to lose the baby. Its going to be a small wedding, just family and close friends. Randys friend Lewis is going to be home so he is going to be the best man. My sister is going to be my maid of honor. I am really excited. I think I am finally getting what I deserve, a good life with a good man that loves me and my babies. Thats all I ever wanted. The wedding is going to be informal. I am just going barefooted in a white materity summer dress. Well I will keep you updated on the wedding plans as I know them.

Last night was fun. I took my clients to the parade and I got to be in it too. I am so glad I did not have to walk because lately my feet have been killing me. I got one of those foot spa things hoping to help my aching feet. To be honest, I think my body has had it with this pregnancy. It has taken one hell of a beating. Guess what I have three months to go. I am tough though.

Divorce finally

I am offically a free women. My divorce was finally granted. I am so glad. I was so nervous. I have never been to court before and my stomache was all in knots and I was worried that my pregnancy would stop the divorce. After being asked by my lawyer if the papers I signed are correct and I still agree to the terms and Jeff agreeing to, we were divorced in five minutes. Afterwards, Jeff and I went to Dennys to talk about his upcoming deployment. I guess he is leaving next week for Iraq. He had to give me his orders and we had to talk about Tina. My mom was kind of upset that I went but Randy is not a jealous guy and he has nothing to worry about my relationship with Jeff is a friendship that I have to have because of my daughter. Exs dont have to fight over their kids. It seems to be a trend in my family. Well I just wanted to share my joy. Hopefully I will be Randys wife Sept 23rd. I know thats soon after my divorce but when you love someone you dont want to waste time. I know things will work out for me this time. Randy and I have something most people cant touch.

Busy Week again

Its been a busy week. I have a staff meeting and a doctors appointment within the same hour, and tomorrow I have court. I am still trying to find the right outfit for it. Its been pretty stressful. The wedding planning is getting nowhere. I dont think Randy is all that interested in helping plan. I need him too though. Lately I have felt very fat and unattractive. I am almost in my third trimester and I am really starting to get uncomfortable. My legs hurt everyday. I have been walking Tina back and forth from school each day this week and I am really pulling on the ligaments that hold my uterus. That can be really painful. I will be fine though, I plan on working up to the end. I am not a lazy person that uses my pregnancy as an excuse to not work. I really cant wait to have this baby and get my life on track. Hopefully go back to work full time.

First Day of school

Christina did a great job at school. I was so proud of her. She had a green day, which means she was well behaved. I think everything is going to be ok and I will get used to her going.

Foxy is a wonderful dog. She had a few accidents but nothing major. She is the most lovable dog I know. She loves Christina. she plays with her and she is not too rough or anything. She likes Randys side of the bed. She refuses to move too lol. I think she is defintly part of the family!

planning a wedding, new dog, Tina going to school

Well we started planning the wedding this week. I still havent found anyone to do it. I am going to have to get on the phone today and get someone lined up. If not then we will probably elope and have a fake cermony. Either way it has to get done. I will be loosing my insurance soon and the baby has to have it. Thats not the reason why I am getting married though, I love Randy and we practially are already anyway. I found an arch, I probably should order it today. Ok I ordered it online since we cant seemed to find an arch in stores. I figured I would decorate it in purple and blue flowers and lights maybe.

We called about our new dog yesterday, she is having surgery today to be fixed. I am so happy that our dog will be fixed, I remember all the messes my mom had to clean up when star had an unwanted litter. We have fairly new carpet and we really dont need the mess. We will officially adopt her on Friday. I will be at work so the work is all up to Randy. I know he will do a great job.

Tina is going to school tomorrow. I am so excited for her. She is going to do really well in school because I have gave her the tools. So I guess we have a big day on Friday. Well I am going to run for now I will keep everyone posted.

New member of the family

Randy got off early yesterday. We decided to look for a dog. We decided we wanted an older dog not a puppy. We have newer carpet and the last thing we need is a mess all over the floor around a new baby. Its really not healthy. So we went to the Marion Humane Society because we wanted to rescue a dog. There are just too many dogs that need homes. I found out the sad truth about the Marion Humane Society, they dont seem to care about their animals at all. Its actually sad.They have an outside/ inside cage. The fat women that works there doesnt seem to want to help them find homes at all. I was almost in tears by the time I left there. Well then Randy mentioned the site we look at the night before the one in Hilllard. So we decided to go there. Much better environment for the poor animals. they are in cages but you are allowed to take most of them for walks or take them into a room and get to know them. The people there were awesome. They really helped us. Two dogs caught our eyes, they both were german shepard mixes. Jack and Foxy. We took foxy for a walk first and she seemed perfect. She needs a little training but other than that she was perfect. Jack was just a little too much dog for us. He liked to lead you. Christina was so excited she really wanted Foxy. So Randy and I talked it over last night and today we are going to get her. She is a year old so still has a little puppy in her so until I get to know her better we are not giving her full range of the house. I will put two pictures up of her so you can see how adorable she is.

Divorce and wedding

I will be offically a free women August 31st. Finally my divorce will be final. I will finally get to put my bad decisions behind me. 18 is too young to get married. I seen Jeff sign the papers so there should be no surprises. I just need the judge to sign it at the hearing and we are set.

Now for the rest of my life. Randy and I will be married September 8th or 9th depending on who we get to marry us. We are having a small ceremony and dinner at our new house. We are only inviting close friends and family. Lilac and light blue are our colors. So after September 10th I will be Chasity Channell. I was excited so I had to let everyone know.

Open house was last night, I was pretty upset and proud all at the same time. Christina got the teacher that I know, Janet Kruder. That made me feel alot better because I know she will be taught right. Christina was beyond excited, she cant wait to go back on Friday. I am ready to let her go I think, well I was til the principal started talking about college. I am barely ready for her to go to Kindergarten along college. Her first offical day of school is the 28th she will attend all day. I am so proud of her, she has came along way from when she was inside of me. I know I did a really good job with her. I just have to figure out what I did so I can apply it to Ava. I read to her thats what I did to make her so smart. Randy reads to her. I read to her in the hospital when she was first born. The first book I read to her was the Little Engine that Could. She loved it.I know that my daughter will make me proud and do very well in school.

Letting go

Letting go is one of the hardest things for a mother to do. I remember when I had to go back to school after I had Tina. I cried everyday on the way to the bus stop. I never wanted to leave her but I had to finesh school. I also recall when she was a year when she did not want me to leave her at daycare while I went to school. She would grab my leg and beg me not to leave, my heart broke in a million pieces that day. Its breaking now. She now can ride a bike without training wheels, go to kindergarten, and many other big girl tasks. They spend their whole life trying to get away from you, and to be on their own. Really its the whole point. I know she will always need in in one way or another, but I am still not liking the whole growing up thing. I mean in October she will be 6. Its been six years since that beautiful little girl was inside of me. Sometimes I wish I could have kept her in. She is growing up way too fast. Well this week is the big day, she is going to school. I am so proud of her but at the same time I wish she was still little. Yeah, letting go is hard, but its a healthy natural part of life. Children dont need you to smother them, its actually not good for them. I know I did a good job with Christina and she will be a success in Kindergarten. I will still cry along the way though.

Everything Randy. Wedding New house

Divorce

Yesterday I heard from my lawyer, all the paperwork is ready to sign. So I am going today to sign it. Jeff is going to be here Friday and he is going to sign his too. So we are almost done. Now we are waiting for a hearing. I am so Happy. I am ready for my new life.

Wedding

As you know soon after the divorce there is going to be a wedding. Its going to be at our new house and only close friends and immediate family is invited. Its going to be really simple. Well I will keep you posted on that part.

New house

I love our new house. Its so quiet and peaceful in this neighborhood compared to where we were living. My daughter has more room to ride her bike, and theres a window seat so I can watch her from inside. A few of our rooms need re-painted but I think that part will be fun. Ava's room is right off of ours. I think its important for babies to learn early to sleep in their own bed. Our front porch is a wonderful place for the family to sit, I cant wait for Ava to be born so that next year she can sit in her swing and we can watch Tina ride her bike. We really love our new house.

Randy being a parent

I was so happy yesterday. My cousin is having us watch her infant. I could not stop smiling when I seen Randy with her. It seem to come naturally to him. I never seen him smile bigger. He is going to be a great father. It makes me more and more excited about having Ava in 4 months. He changed a dipar with no problems,fed the baby, and he even burped the baby. Keep in mind Randy has never had a child or even been around them. I wish I took a picture because it was the cutest thing. I really think we are ready.

No keys

Well we did not get the keys yesterday. We were pretty disappointed. It seems like everyday there is a new excuse. Well we are suspose to get them this morning. I have to work this evening so there is not much I can do to help. I also have to work tomorrow. So I guess Randy will be on his own. Well thats all for today.

Moving, divorce and my car

We are going to receive possession of our house today. Yesterday, Randy and I were feeling really frustrated. The people had already moved out, but they still haven't gave us the keys. I guess they wanted to clean. So, this weekend we will be busy moving in. I cant wait.

I talked to Jeff on here and on the phone yesterday and he is getting his peace classes done next week. After that we should finally get a hearing and be divorced. I was really getting frustrated and stressed out because I just really want my life to fully start. Looks like it might actually start before the end of the month.

I got my car ( 2001 Chevey Impala) fixed yesterday finally. It was having alot of problems with the security system and sometimes it would not start. Byrds finally made things right for once and paid for half of it. I was happy that they finally took responability for their coustomers. That must be a common problem because it did not take long to fix.

I took Tina yesterday to Taft to get her registered for school. the 20th is open house and I wanted to make sure I got that done so she could start on time. I will get a letter in the mail telling me what teacher she has and when she starts school. I really hope she gets Janet Kruder she is one of the best. I studied under her when I was in the teaching academy. She is now teaching all day. There is no half a day anymore! I am so happy about that, I feel you might as well start them out full day if they are going to be that way in first grade.Jeff is going to send me money for school stuff. He is also starting to take responsibility. Things are starting to look up!

Everything

Work

I have been working since friday with no day off. Its been hard. I have been very tired. I really love it though. The three women I take care of are so much fun. I really enjoy doing for them. One of them has a fish and it died yesterday. I felt so bad for her. I was able to cheer her up which I was glad for. I have to work today til 3:15, so Randy and I will get home at the same time. I then get two days off. I am going to pack and relax my two days. I really think I have earned it considering I worked two 12 hour shifts and I am not used to it yet.

Ava

I am now 21 weeks. Last night Randy felt Avanelle kick. He was surprised by how hard she was kicking. I told him that is why I cant sleep at night. I cant believe how active she is. I feel like its early for her to be this active, but aleast I know she is healthy. I havent gained much wieght back, and I found out I have to gain back the 19 pounds I lost plus an additional 25-35 pounds. So I am starting my wieght gain in the negative.Hopefully this month I have some major wieght gain.

Moving

We are hopefully moving this week. The people appear to be out of the house. We are just waiting on keys. Randy and I are so excited. I am getting kind of upset that we own the house and its empty and we dont have keys. I think its because I am excited and when I get that way I get inpatient.

Family

I really love Randys family, dont get me wrong. I appericate everything they have done. I am however very upset at them. I guess I shouldnt say family I should say grandma and aunt. Its not the whole family. His cousin was pregnant too at the same time. She had the perfect pregnancy, no sickness or anything. Well as you know I was very very sick. Nobody seemed to care til Randys mom got mad and made everyone care. I just feel like my pregnancy is being treated like a mistake while Chars is being treated like a gift from god if you will. Well heres an example, when Char told everyone she was pregnant it was a huge deal. When I told everyone it seemed like the already used up all that energy on her. At first I tried to understand, it took her a long time to get pregnant. Well then I thought about it, it took me a long time to. I was not able to have children when I was married due to the birthcontrol shot I took. I was actually shocked to find out I was pregnant. So it should be the same excitement. Well heres another example, everytime Randys grandma comes to visit all she talks about is Char. I mean its really annoying. Even when I was sick and she came to visit me in the hospital. At the time Char was fine. Well Char had her baby two months early. So once again thats all anyone talks about. I know its a big deal but I cant help to feel cheated, when I was sick they did not care, but now since she had her baby early everyone is at the hospital all the time and everything. Nobody from that side was at the hospital for me. I just wonder if they will even care when the baby comes. Or will they come and talk about Chars baby the whole time. Sorry but for once I want someone to care about what I have went through. I am lucky to have a baby inside of me. Hopefully after this all blows over, we can get back to my pregnancy. I guess I want them to be excited for Randy and I. I guess I want them to visit me and talk about my baby. I know for awhile that wont be possible considering it was early, but I just hope they get over that and dont compare my baby to hers, or my parenting to hers. Well I am sure everything will work out.

It's a Girl!!! Going back to work

Its a girl! I was really wanting a boy, but once I seen her beautiful face I could not help but to be completly over joyed. Randy look like he was going to cry. I never seen him so happy. Christina is happy. She said that now she has a back up singer. I just hope my girls dont have HG. I do want grand children someday. I decided that I am going to do my babys rooms in ocean, but I am going to do the whole Rainbow fish thing. I think thats a wonderful story, it teaches sharing and selflessness. I hope my girls have those qualities. I really think its good I am having a girl, I am the perfect example of what a women should be. I am kind, a great mom, intelligent, independent, and honest. I am a great role modle for what my girls should be.Some wome should have little boys, especially the ones whos husbands have better personalities than them. Oh I almost forgot, her name is going to be Avanelle, Ava for short. Not sure on a middle name, Tina is going to choose it.

Well I am going back to work today. I am so glad. We have alot to do before the baby is born. I did not get much sleep so I am not sure if I will make it the whole shift. I am training at a new house. I am no longer going to work at littleton because they dont want me lifting anything. I am kind of glad, I really didnt want to get invovled in all that drama anyway. I am so happy that I will be once again helping people with disablities. I really think they are special people that need help to. I really care about those people. I know theres not much money in it but I think the job makes me who I am. Most people know what that is so I dont think I need to explain.

Today I find out what the baby is. I am so excited. I don't think Randy's Grandma will be coming though. Randy cousin is having some problems. Her baby's heartbeat is real low, so she is in the hospital. So she probably wont come. Randy took the day off today to spend it with his grandpa, atleast til my appointment. I am glad he is close with his family. I just hope they don't think that since we are close that they can tell us how to raise our child. They don't know that I am Anti Spanking, I am not sure if they will have a problem with it or not. I don't like any type of violence against children. I don't like the hand hitting, pretty much I hate violence.I know if any of them does it to Tina or the baby, it will be the last person they hit. I will press charges against anyone who hits my children. My family understands that. They learned that with Tina and have backed off. My family has even commented on how well behaved my child is. How do you think she got that way? She was taught not abused. She was shown how to listen. I am a great mom and I know that I just hope Randy's family understands that I know what I am doing. I have a child who is wonderful to prove it.

How the weekend turned out

he weekend turned out pretty good. Randy and Idid some packing. Its actually sad that we are moving. This was our first home together. This is where our child was concieved. I may just be hormonal too. Tina spend most of the weekend with my sister, then they came over on Sunday and spend the night. Tina and I made my famous peanutbutter bars. She loves those. She ate one and asked if she could have three more. If you dont know my daughter, she doenst eat much. She is a small child only weighs 37 pounds. I am not sure why she is so small, might be her energy level. That girl can run! It might be my HG. I dont know. Today, I think I am going to pack some of our bedroom. There is alot of stuff we are not using that could be packed. Tina wants to help, I think I am going to let her help. She is really excited about moving. I think its only because she wants a dog. Everywhere we ever lived we were not allowed to have a pet. Now that we can she is very excited. So I guess just like everyday, I am very lucky. I have a beautiful daughter, a man that loves me, and a baby that is healthy growing inside of me.

Good days and bad days

Once again I cant sleep. I am not sure why. I do know one thing though, not getting sleep is making me sick. This is the first time I have been in days. Randy has been working 12 hour shifts. I really haven't spent much time with him. Hopefully this weekend we get to spend some quality time together. We have alot to celebrate. We are moving soon and we found out what the baby is. I hope he is as excited as I am. Well I may try to sleep.

I cannot sleep

Its three in the morning and guess what? I cant sleep. Randy has been working alot of overtime and I have found that without him I dont sleep as well. Plus the peeing thing never ends. I am constantly thirsty. I know your body needs more water during pregnancy but this is crazy. So I will probably drink a whole glass of water, go to sleep and have to pee really bad when I wake up. Oh well.

We close on the house today. I am so glad the closing part is almost over. It was a pain. I dont think I will ever use the credit union for a loan.Well I am going to try to sleep now. I keep yawning.

Closing on the house /19 weeks

We are closing on the house in three days. We were nice and we are giving the people we are buying the house from 20 days to get into their new home. So we should be moved in by the 15th or so. 547 Litttleton is our new address. Make sure you come by and check it out. I have to get Tina registered with the school. So there is lots to do in the next few weeks. I will post new pictures as I get them. I want to put one of us in front of our new house.

19 Weeks! I am getting there!

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces, and he measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the length of a small zucchini. His arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of his body now. His kidneys continue to make urine, and the hair on his scalp is sprouting. This is a crucial time for sensory development: Your baby's brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. If your baby is a girl, she has an astonishing 6 million eggs in her ovaries. They'll dwindle to fewer than two million by the time she's born. www.babycenter.com
Next Thursday I find out the sex of the baby so make sure you check in so you can know.

To more weeks

Alot is going to happen in the next month. I am going back to work. We are closing on our house ,we find out the sex of our baby and Tina starts school. I guess things cant get anymore stressful. Randy has been working so hard to make sure we close on the house on time. I mean he is killing himself in overtime. Which makes me feel bad. I really wish I wouldnt have gotten sick. Well nothing I can do about it now. All I can do is go back to work and help. Christina is getting really excited. She cant wait for everything to start happening. Jeff is suspose to visit her the end of this month. Hopefully for her sake he does. Well I am tired now, I am going back to bed. I hope I am able to sleep better soon. I havent been able to.

I am defintly feeling the baby move

I am definitely feeling the baby move. The flutters are getting to be more often. Last night when I was at that class the baby was fluttering the whole time. It was like it was reminding me that this time I got it right. I am finally having a baby with someone to loves me, and stands besides me. I wont have to worry about Randy loving the child. I can tell he already has a deep emotional connection with it already. All my life I have never been able to trust the men in my life, now I finally am with someone I would trust with my life. I also have a good environment for my children. Randy and I don't argue, or fight. We talk things out. I dont think there is a problem we cant get through. Everyday I think about how lucky I am. In two weeks we find out what the baby is, I cant wait. I wonder if its my Corbin or my Avanelle? Either way this child is loved.

Today and yesterday

Today I have to go to Peace classes, its a class about how to help your children after your divorce. I personally think what would help my child is for her father to grow up. I dont think that is ever going to happen. He hasn't taken his classes and is hoping to get out of them. I really hope they don't let him. For once he needs to shell out some money for this divorce. I have paid for a lawyer and I am going to have to pay the filling fees and court costs. I think its time for Jeff to throw some money at this. I really hope to never go through this again. Hopefully this whole thing is over soon. I am ready to fully move on with my life.

Yesterday Brittney had her baby. I did not get to go see it. I have a headache that wont stop. She had it at noon. I heard she looks just like Brittney first child. She has curly brown hair. I want to go see her today. I will take a pic and post it on here. Brittney told me labor was easier the second time. I am hoping for that too. I am also hoping for a bigger baby. 5 pounds is not very big. Well thats it for today. I hope whoever actually reads this has a great day.

18 weeks

I have been feeling better. I havent gotten sick in days. Its wonderful to be able to eat again. I wont ever take it for granted agan. I am getting a little belly. I think it makes things a little more real for Randy. Remember he is the first time parent, I have a five year old. I did it all and went to high school. I would say I am pretty experianced. So if you give advice, give it to Randy. I have done the whole thing once before I know whats going on.

I found out early this morning that my cousin Brittney's water broke. I figured since its her second she should be done pretty soon. Probably by 6 I would say. I cant wait to see her new little girl.

We are suspose to close on the new house by the 26th we will see if that happens. I hope it does then after the move I am going back to work. I guess I am the kind of person who is independent and needs something of my own. I dont know how those stay at home moms do it. You need sometime away from your child once in a while. Its actually not healthy to be around them all the time. I am glad I have my own car and my own life away from Randy and Tina. Everyone needs that. I remember when I did not have that. I was a very depressed person. I am a better mom when I am working and I have that break.

Sunday we went to the beach. It was fun. Tina is learning how to swim and she was so cute. I will have the pictures up when I remember to get the camera out of Randy's car. My daughter is getting so big. Next month, she will be going to school. She is so excited. I am too.

How your baby's growing: 18 weeks

Head to bottom, your baby is approximately 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a large sweet potato) and she weighs almost 7 ounces. She's busy flexing her arms and legs — movements that you'll likely start noticing more and more. Her blood vessels are visible through her thin skin and her ears are now in position and stand out from her head. Myelin (a protective covering) is beginning to form around her nerves, a process that will continue for a year after she's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and Fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If your baby is a boy, his genitals are noticeable, though he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

Little better

I am finally feeling a little better. I am hardly vomiting. Hopefully this is the light at the end of the tunnel for my HG. I am ready to get big and fat. I didn't get to do that with Tina. I am ready for the rest of my pregnancy. Hopefully I can go shopping soon. Right now I cant stand for long periods of time cause I get dizzy. Other than the HG I have a very healthy pregnancy. After this part with Tina I only had to get an inversion cause she was breech, and then I was induced. The end was simple. I am ready to be a mommy again.

17 weeks

How Big is the Baby at 17 Weeks Pregnant?
Your baby is anywhere from 4.4 to 4.8 inches by pregnancy week 17 and weighs almost 3 ½ ounces! If you were to hold your baby at 17 weeks pregnant, she would fit snuggly in the palm of your hand. Your baby is about the size of a small pomegranate by pregnancy 17 weeks. http://www.womenshealthcaretopics.com/pregnancy_week_17.htm

Christina was such a big girl yesterday! She had to get three shots and she did not even shed a tear. I guess she is not afraid of needles yet. I know I am. I am so proud of her. I am so lucky to have such a smart brave little girl. No more shots til 7th grade now. I hope that takes a long time.

Kindergarten shots

Today my daughter is getting her kindergarten shots. I really dont want her to get them. I remember when she was a baby and she cried, it broke my heart to take her. Well it has to be done. I wish I could slow Tina down sometimes, make her my small little baby again. I know that is impossible. I remember when she was born, she was so tiny only 5 pounds. I couldnt quit looking at her, she was the most beautiful little girl I ever seen. Now she is 5! Still beautiful. I guess I have to come to accept that my first born is growing up. Doesnt mean I have to like it. On another note I am feeling really sick again. I guess I should start taking my meds again. I cant keep any food down again. I feel weak.I cant wait til this is over. I want to feed my baby! Its so frusterating. Well I am off to get ready for this appointment with Tina.

Off and on

My nausa is like an every other day thing. I eat like a baby. imgine the worst flu you ever had, thats kind of like how I feel every other day. I eat things like pudding, Jello, watermelon, and soups. I drink lots of liquids when I can. The only good thing about being 17 weeks is that I can feel the little flutters. I wish Randy could feel it. Its amazing to feel your baby move its my favorite part about being pregnant. I still dont look pregnant. I look very skinny. My arms and my legs are very thin. I feel a difference in how my belly feels though. Randy doesnt get what I mean, but I can tell there is something going on in there. We find out what we are having Aug 2nd. He is very excited. Christina cant wait. She has already told me that I will have to be sick one more time to give her the the brother and sister she wants. I told her we will see. I love children its really not fair that I have such a hard time having them. ( Jeff has not talked to his daughter since he left) Christina also wants her last name to change when mine does. I told her to ask her father. I know he would never allow that, but it lets him know how important Randy is in her life. He is her father figure she looks up to him. I think thats a good thing. I dont think anyone should look up to Jeff. I want my daughter to end up with a good man someday, not a man that does not know what he wants and is unfaithful and dishonest. Thats her father in a nutshell. Well I am off to bed I am not feeling so well today I guess maybe sometimes its two days in a row.ausa is like a every other day thing

Friday

Its just another day, my nausa seems to be getting a little better. Christina is home from my moms house. She is so excited about going to school and getting a dog soon. I am not so excited about the school thing. I know she has to go but I dont want her to grow up. It seems like yesterday, she was my baby. I used to hold her and do my homework for school. Now she is 5 and she doesnt need me as much. Oh her father did not call her yesterday either. I figure I better record that.Well I am off to eat something.

Fourth of July/ having a niece

My Fourth of July wasn't great. I really could not go to the fair, so my mom took Tina. Randy and I stayed home and watched tv together. It was a pretty boring night. Randy went to bed early for work and I stayed up and watched tv til I fell asleep. I was hoping Tina would call when she got back from the fair but she didn't.

Randy and I are so excited about moving. It is truely our dream house. It has Randys garage, my beautiful kitchen,and my window seat. We thought about getting married there if the timing works out. The timing is going to be perfect for decorating the nursery. I will find out August what I am having then I can figure out what ocean theme to use. I have several in mind. I figured that even when the room changes to a play room the ocean wallpaper will still work. Hopefully I can get back to work soon, so I can start replacing some of our hand-me- down furniture. I figured we would replace it with income taxes. Our room defiantly needs new furniture.

I also found out yesterday that my brothers girlfriend, who is a month ahead of me is going to have a little girl. I am going to have a niece. I am so excited. Its going to be nice to have a child around the same time as him, they can grow up together. I cant wait til the baby shower. I still haven't even met her. My mom is now hoping I am having a boy, she wants at least one grand son. I want a boy too. I already have a little girl.

We have a house

We finally found the house we are going to start our married life in. Its in Fairpark. We are so excited. We got the news last night that our bid was accepted. I never seen Randy so happy. We cant wait to decorate the nursery. Fairpark is a good area for kids. I spend a good part of my childhood in that area. Its also across the street from my work. I think that will make breastfeeding alot easier for Randy and I. It has a garage, a huge master bedroom. 2 regular size bedrooms and a small room that is connected to the master that I am making into the nursery. It also has beautiful french doors and a widow seat. The kitchen is beautiful too. So today we start the closing process. I will try to post pics on here so everyone can see our beautiful new home.

Looking for a house

Its three, Randy is working overtime this morning. My hand somehow got under his head so he woke me up when he got up. Plus, I don't think my digestive system is working. I cant sleep.

We seen lots of houses yesterday. We really liked one in Fair park. I am not sure if that's the one but it was really nice. Well I am not very talkative nor can I spell so I am cutting this way short.

No support from my doctor

I just got out of the hospital last night. I am so sick of all of this I wish my HG would end. I am tired of puking. Worst of all, I have no support from my ob. At first I tried to overlook them. But they act like I do this purposely. I mean if I could eat I would. I dream about food. I am thinking about changing obs. I should have went to a high risk ob to begin with. I have a high risk condition that needs medical attention. My doctor acts like I have magic pills that cure it. They help with the symptoms but they don't completely stop the nausea or vomiting. I love my baby and for anyone to even suggest I would put it in danger just pisses me off. I have a child already, I had HG with her. I survived it and I had to have ivs all the time. That's how I did it. I wish someone would understand how hard this is. I cant believe my own doctor isn't on my side. I am glad I have Randy without him I don't know what I would do. I know he is scared most of the time, but he is always strong for me. Only five more weeks to go I can do it. Screw my ob if I feel like my child is in danger or I am I am going to ER. My insurance pays for it. I cant believe they told me not to go for dehydration anymore. Keystones can hurt the baby.

24 weeks

Update! I had a doctors appointment today and everything is good. Ava's heart is strong and she is growing.

I will be remarried in 30 days!!/ nobody told me I was looking too skinny

Randy and I will be married in about 30 days or so. This will take place right after my divorce. We will have a big party later. Hopefully Hocking hills where we want to get married.I know people say I am moving too quickly, but you when find the one you have to grab it. I wasted so much time with Jeff. I wasnt really happy. I am so happy now! I have never been this happy. I know he is the one for me. He is funny,extermly intelligent, very good looking, and when he loves you , you know it. I never have to guess. I know he loves me. I can trust him. I could never trust Jeff, he lied more times than anyone can count. I mean he still lies to me. Everything has been said and done and he still feels the need to lie. Its hard to know what to believe. With Randy theres an openess. I know that everything he says is the truth. I dont know I guess you have to know Randy well to know what I mean. I really do love him. Christina loves him. Thats all I need to never know. I will let everyone know when this happens. Its just going to be at the court house to start with, but we hope to have a big one and invite everyone. Everyone that is Randys friend too. Including Rich and his family. Any friend of Randys is a friend of mine bottom line. I dont care about the past I am looking toward my future.

Ok , on a different sub. Randy took Tina and I to Panera yesterday. It was really good. I had to take Tina to the bathroom. There was a mirror in there, it was almost full lengh. I look terrrible! Why hasnt anyone told me I look skinny, very skinny! No wonder Randys friend from work asked if I was pregnant. Then said that I dont look it. I am in fact pregnant! If you need to see the pee stick I will be glad to take a pic and post it. I mean you people have seen the ultrasounds. I am skinny though and my belly is flater than it should be. It just means my baby will be small like Tina. I am not a big person to begain with. I was always small in high school. I did gain a little after Jeff joined the Army.Well anyway, if you see me in public dont make a big deal out of my wight I almost cry everytime I read the scale. I mean I can wear a two piece bathing suit right now. Just say hi and dont look at my tummy! I would defintly appricaite it.

Not dehydrated enough

I went to er I guess I wasn't dehydrated enough for them to keep me. I guess i have to be dieing. So far I have kept down oatmeal. I don't think it will stay down for long though.

12 weeks, I ate!!

Yesterday I finally kept something down. It was salad. I did however throw up once even though I took my meds on time. In fact I threw up my meds. I really wanted banana nut bread and I threw that up too. Just goes to prove that HG will happen when it wants it. It owns me and my life right now. Randy got his first kiss in about a week. I love him but I cant stand his smell at times still. I did the same thing with Jeff when I was pregnant with Tina. Its a weird pregnancy thing I guess. I am now twelve weeks I have 8 more to go of HG and that's basing it on Tina. We will probably be moving soon. Randy really hates renting and he in in the process of getting a house loan.

How your baby's growing: Your baby's hit the 2-inch mark (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce. Her face is beginning to look more human. Her eyes, which started out on the sides of her head, have moved closer together on her face, and her ears are near their final positions on the sides of her head. Your baby's intestines, which have grown so rapidly that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into her abdominal cavity about now. Her kidneys are secreting urine into her bladder. Her nerve cells have been multiplying rapidly, and synapses (neurological pathways in the brain) are forming. Your baby may have acquired more reflexes by now, including sucking, and she'll even squirm if you prod your abdomen, though you still won't be able to feel her movement for several weeks.

www.babycenter.com

Finally they listened to me

I finally got them to listen to me on Sunday. I just got out of the hospital today. What really makes me upset about going is everyone thinks they know more about this than me. Hello I have done this once before. HG is a disorder there is nothing to stop it.

Failure Friday

I am feeling really crappy I cant keep down water. Looks like its back to the hospital. Time for my weekly visit.

doctors appt

This heat is killing me. We have airconditoning its just not enough when your nauseated , dizzy and prone to passing out. I just instantly lay on the floor when I feel dizzy its cooler there anyways. I went to the doctors today. Everything is great with the baby just my pap was abnormal. I don't have any STDs or anything they cant seem to figure it out so I have to have more testing done. I am kind of scared cancer runs in my family. Especially of the female organs. Well I will keep you posted as I know more info. Other than that life is great and its the same stuff puking and feeling sick.