Christmas the day of many gods.......

It is truly amazing all the gods that are born on December 25th. I had my kids pick one to sing happy birthday too. Ava picked Jupiter, Tina picked Hercules and I picked Nimrod. Randy picked Newton. (Of course like Jesus his birthday can be disputed)  We sung happy birthday to each and every one.

I found this to be a very good learning experience for them. Mythology is a very interesting thing and I want my girls to hear the stories. Even the mythology from the bible which I hope to work on with them in the next couple years. Happy Birthday gods!

After we had this discussion yesterday we went to Randy's mom's house where we had dinner and presents. We had such a good time and we know in our hearts that Nimrod, Hercules and Jupiter did too.

Holidays without God.

Who says a godless heathen like me cannot enjoy Christmas? I mean Christmas was not originally a religious holiday to begin with. (Watch History Channel's unwrapped for details http://www.history.com/topics/christmas) Maybe we do not add religion but it does not mean this time of year is not important to us or special to my family.

We start out the season by putting up our Solstice tree every year. We put our beautiful silver and blue snowflakes. Seems like a great way to celebrate winter. We add our beautiful blue lights inside and out. We put our little balls (silver and blue to match). After that is all done we take our Christmas card pictures.

Of course we do crafts and cook. We made candy, cookies, and other fun recipes We did cornflake wreaths this year.

We sing songs,(secular ones), see Santa, watch movies, and open our presents on the day I chose that works the best. This year is just so happens that the 24th worked the best. I wish we could have done Solstice day but that did not work out. 

We always do actual Christmas day at my mother in law. But that is not a religious thing either. Just family getting together. 

So we did it! No god involved just family being family. I love my family! We had such a great Solstice. Now for the New Year!

Hoping next year to get more involved with the Humanist group and do more Solstice.

Holidays and I do not fit in with my own family...........

Do you ever feel like you may have been given to the wrong family? Do you ever feel like you do not fit in? I feel like this all the time. Especially during the holiday I feel like one big outsider looking in. 

What makes me different from them.........
1. I do not believe in drugs- Most of my family are either on drugs or have been on drugs.
2. I do not believe in smoking or drinking in front of children- I do not smoke nor do I allow smoking in my house. Drinking should not be around minors nor should you serve them.
3. I believe in hard work not taking everything from the government as long as you can.
4. I believe in marriage not drama- I believe that a marriage is a partnership. We are partners everything is equally his and mine. In my family that is not the case. Matter of fact most of the women want to be in charge. They also believe in on again and off again relationships.
5. I do not believe in spanking- I was spanked and it affected me. I do not want that for my children. My family members disagree
6. I believe in talking and working things out. My family believes in put downs and drama.
7. I do not believe in formula or feeding a baby early. They do.
8. I do not believe in circumcision. They do.
9. I am an atheist. They are Christians when it suites them.
10. I believe in standing by someone. They believe in abandoning them the moment you do not agree with them or when they do not want to do what you suggest.
11. I believe in Education. They think because I read that I am stupid.

So I am an outcast for all those reasons. They think I think I am better than them. That is not true I just do not share the same values and I choose not to have my kids around them. I know that sounds horrible but sometimes you have to protect your children from your own family. That is where I am at.

I am back, figured I needed a blog after all

I have been gone, during this time I learned that I need a blog. Not only do I need one but my blog helps me deal with my life. Without it I am lost.

Enough of that desperate crap, let's get back to business.

So it has been about three months since I last wrote anything. How is life you ask? Well it's going great. Tina is now 10. Ava is now 4 and Corbin is a whopping 6 months. All of my little ones are doing great!

Moving on to Christmas/ Solstice
Same old thing. We are going to have Solstice at my house on the 24th. I really wanted to have it the day of but it does not give me anytime to make cookies for Santa. If I want presents you know I have to bake cookies for the jolly man. So we are having it on the 24th. The 25th we are going to my inlaws for dinner and presents. I was hoping to start going to my dad's side but since the letter I have not heard from him. I think I got my answer. Not what I wanted but better than pretending and living a lie. I am done doing that. So it should be a great week.


Here is one of the activities me and my family did this week in time for Solstice. Recipe is below.

2 c. marshmallows
1/4 c. butter
2 1/2 c. corn flakes
1/2 tsp. green food coloring
Red cinnamon candies

Melt marshmallows and butter over low heat in saucepan. Add corn flakes and stir carefully. Add food coloring and stir. Form into wreaths on wax paper with fingers when cool enough to handle and decorate with red candies. if mixture becomes stiff, reheat for a minute or two. Wreaths may be used to decorate packages, hang on tree or served as holiday treats.

I am so glad to be back and I hope if anyone actually read this that they will keep reading. I had a nice 3 month break but I really need to keep my thoughts out there.

My life....... update

Life is awesome. 

Randy started school last week and is doing well so far. He is going on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Meaning that my mother in law has to stay a little longer to watch the kids. I am hoping that soon I can change that. We have a new manager at work and I hope to get my old Monday Wednesday schedule back.

Christina started playing the violin. She learned how to stand the right way. I am so excited for her. I really hope so see her do great things with it.I am so proud of her!!!

Avanelle is being Avanelle. What can I say? She loves the phrase 'Not on my watch!" Typical middle child. She says funny things and is very demanding but I love her!

 

Corbin is three months!!! Woo Hooo! My boobie baby is trying to talk and rolling over! He is just doing great. He even laughed out loud the other day. He will only do it for me though. Not Daddy.

Excuses Excuses!!!

Screw you and your excuses dad. It was last minute my ass. I knew about it at 10 am. You did not invite me. I am not going some place where I am not invited by the groom or the bride. Anyway sorry is not good enough. When you are a parent nothing is last minute not to let your kids know. You can pick up the freaking phone and let them know. It is not going to freaking kill you. So screw you Jody! I hope the wedding and marriage lasts forever for you because I am done!! Vent over feel much better!

Back to school, wedding and ear piecrcing

Tina started fourth grade. I am so proud but sad at the same time. She is growing up and before I know it will be graduating. I cried on her first day like I do every year. She had a great day though and I think that may be more important then my tears.


I guess this year she is wanting to play the violin. I am excited for her to get to play. Of course it is going to cost me a little money. Studies have shown that kids that play an instrument do better in school. When I look back I have to say it is true. So next week we have a parent meeting about that. She will then start lessons the week of the 20th.

Ava got her ears pierced over labor day weekend! She was so stunned I was expecting her to cry. She was a big brave girl and got it done with no problem. She picked out the cutest little ladybug earrings. Randy and I took it worse than she did. I am so proud of her! 

September 17th is my sister Cassie's wedding! We are super excited. Here are what my kids are wearing. I love it! I am also planning on either taking their pictures or getting them taken myself in their clothing. 



That is all I have for now. There are more updates but they will have to wait til next time I can blog.

Dear Dad......

• Dear Dad,
  I am not writing this letter for you. I am not writing this letter to upset you. I am writing this letter for me. I need to get my feelings out. I need to feel batter about this situation between us.
  
  First off I would like to start by saying how hurt you made me yesterday. You did not invite me to your wedding. You chose to not include me in a very important day of your life. Do you know how hurtful that is? You have any idea how upset that made me? I cried. For me once again it was you denying me as your daughter. Which you have spent most of my life doing. Don’t make excuses I am very tired of them. You knew what you were doing. You knew this would hurt me. Yet you chose to do it anyway. At the end of the day the only person that you care about is you and what ever love interest you have at the time.
  
  Next, I want you to understand that the whole I was young thing is bullshit and you know it. At some point you could have said you made a mistake and changed it. A father is supposed to be the protector of his daughter. He is supposed to be there for her not the other way around. I mean because after 14 comes 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, and so on. At what point did you grow up? At what point were you going to accept your responsibilities. We all know the money is not even the issue here. It’s the time the love. You do not love me .If you ever did I would have never been treated this way by you. I would not have spent holidays, birthdays crying for a father. The only thing I ever wanted from you was a father. That was it. Over and over you are not able to do that for me. You never even saw me in the hospital when I had a baby. We all know if it was someone else you would have been there with bells on. It is because it is me. It is your little bastard child that you wish would just go the hell away! You might not have said that but that is how you have made me feel all of these years! I am not good enough to be your daughter. I am not worth your time. Screw that! I deserve better than that. I did not choose to be here. I did not choose you to be my father. I had no say in that. I do have say now.
  
  
  Lastly, I am going to end this and make this real easy on you. I am done! I am done crying, done caring. You could give a rats ass about me and my children. All you do is pretend. I have been waiting for you to show me that I am wanted and that I am your daughter. This has not happened. It is not going to happen. The only person Jody cares about is Jody. You do not care about how I feel. You do not care about how you have hurt me. Your actions say how you feel about me and I think it is time I started listening. So unless you do something dramatic and start showing me I am in your life, I want nothing else to do with you. It’s a waste of my time and I am tired of being hurt. I am tired of crying for a father when all along I was fine without you. So I take my strength and what dignity I have left. Have a great life. I wish you every joy and happiness. Just don’t come knocking on my door til you are ready to be my father. I am not sure you even know what that word even means.
  
  
  -Chasity Channell

Write a reply...

So I thought we were done..... guess not!

I thought my doors were closed. No more of cleaning up dog hair, or cleaning up doggie messes that are not mine. Oh no, a few weeks later I am back at square one. 
It all started when my husband's sister fell at work. I guess she felt dizzy. My mil freaked out ran to her city that is about an hour drive. After numerous tests and thinking she might have cancer it may just be a medication problem.
Of course being the door mat that I am when I heard the big C word and can you watch the dog I said yes. Stupid Stupid Stupid( bangs head against wall) MIL  mutters "I guess you should talk to your husband". I agree I should. Before we know it my mil is at the door with the damn dog. We never said yes! Now a week in and knowing his sister is going back to work on Tuesday we are feeling a bit used.
Yesterday, my in laws come over. We ask them what the plan with the dog is. We do not get an answer and I have a suspicion that since they plan on taking the dog at the end of September we are stuck! I also have a feeling that mil went behind our back and told my sil that the dog was welcome to stay til she can take her at the end of the month. I think that decision is going to cost 757.14 ( my house payment). 
Well I have had it! After the dog peeing in the house( after being let out numerous times) and leaving dog hair everywhere, I am going to insist she goes. I am so sick of us being responsible for a dog that is not ours. I am about ready to tattoo the word door mat on my chest. I mean that is what I am to those people. A door mat to wipe their feet on.
Finally my husband emails his sister. He is asking her what the plan is. So far no response. I figure she thinks all was well about the dog. I am so hoping my husband gets a back bone and tells her to come get it. He does not relize that I have too much on my plate. I have told him but I do not think he gets it. Wish me luck on getting rid of the dog.

Week back to work

Well I had my first week back to work after my almost 7 week maternity leave. Things were great. My clients missed the crap out of me. I was able to pump and I pumped plenty. Corbin ate very well from a bottle while I was gone. 12 hours was a long time to be away but I did it. I cried a little but I did it. I am very proud of myself.

After working and staying up late all week to pick up my sister, I needed rest. So we spent the day shopping and relaxing on Saturday. Sunday we went to the beach. I needed it so bad. I just laid in the sand with my lil man and relaxed! The girls had a blast. Splashing and playing in the sand. I only wish I could have taken them a couple more times this year. But life happens. I could not go when I was pregnant and had to wait a bit after. They got to go and that is all the matters.

On a totally different topic, I have been working with Corbin. I made him some wrist rattles to get him to notice his hands. I also mad a pat mat. Here he is looking at the turtles, frogs and circles in the mat. He has some slobber too. He is getting such great head control. I am so proud of how far he has came. I am going to keep working with him at least once a day on tummy time.

So I had a great weekend. Back to reality and work on Tuesday.

Doggie Daycare closes forever!!!!

I do not mind helping people out. In fact I love helping my family out. I just wish they would think about what they are asking. I wish they would consider my situation too. I also wish they would not ask for things and put a whole guilt trip on me to get to to help. People love to use my  good nature against me.
It all started when I was about three weeks postpartum. My sister in law was in the hospital because her stomach was hurting. Nothing physically ended up being wrong with her. They told her she was stressed out. I guess a few weeks prior she finds out she is getting a pay cut. She works at a charter school. Also, she found out that she is not getting credit for any of her work. I guess a male supervisor is stealing all the credit. So this stresses her out. I totally understand that. I guess she might have to get rid of her dog because she cannot afford to pay the monthly fee at her apartment for the dog. I felt really bad for her. But me having three kids and a dog of my own , I have my hands full.

A few days later she messages my husband on facebook. She was asked to go on vacation with a friend. She wants us to watch her dog for two weeks. I really did not want to do it. I knew I would be stuck with all this dog hair to clean up. Of course she does what my husband's family is known for doing. She throws the guilt trip. I am still on maternity leave. Seriously still have a stitch in my vagina. She does not once think about how stressed I might be. Of course I say yes because I felt bad for her and her situation. Ugh I am so dumb!

So here I am sweeping three times a day to keep dog hair off my newborn. Of course she did not have her groomed before sending her.I have tried brushing her and everything. The dog will not stop the flipping shedding
I am spending my last ten days of maternity leave cleaning up freaking dog hair. I am so pissed at myself for not thinking more about myself and kids with the situation . I have already watched her damn dog three times this year. I was big fat and pregnant and on my knees cleaning up dog hair. 
I love her dog. Do not get me wrong. But in order for her dog to go outside to the bathroom you have to walk her around the block. I do not have time for that. Hell I am lucky if I get a shower. So the dog has been going in my house!! Then her dog eats my dogs very expensive allergy formula dog food. That crap is not cheap. I am beyond frustrated and tired. I cannot wait til Monday comes. I guess she will be too tired to get her dog the day she comes home! Ugh!
So after Monday, I am no longer a flipping doggie daycare. I do not care if you are stressed. I am stressed too. I have three kids . Two under the age of five. I am a busy person. I do not have time to take care of your dog too. I have my own to clean up after and that is why I only have one. My doggie daycare doors are closing forever. There is a place called a kennel. If you cannot afford then it, you should not be going on vacation in the first place!
Now back to my dog hair cleaning. I am going to loose it before the day is over. I swear if I see one more hair on my baby I am going to need a vacation. I am then going to take all three kids and my dog to her house for two weeks!!!

Back to school, My children, My family as a whole.

 Back to School

   Where did the summer go? Seems like just yesterday it was Tina's last day of school. Now she is going to be in fourth grade. Wow! I am just amazed by how fast the summer went and how soon she is going to be gone again. 

   We are starting to get ready. We need to buy lots of school supplies, clothing, and not to mention a new book bag. She is excited about shopping. I am just waiting on getting the details of what Jeff is willing to help with. He is suppose to call me on Friday to get thing organized with me. I get the feeling though that he really is not thrilled about helping. Oh well he will or he won't. Either way Tina will have what she needs. 

   Randy on the other hand is winding down summer quarter. He has finals next week and is off til fall quarter. He is only taking one class at a time but I am super proud of him. He is getting it done. One class closer to being an engineer. 

   My Children

Let's start with Corbin. He is a month and two weeks now. He is starting to look around, smile and be more content. The first month was hard on him. He cried alot. But now it is getting better. I wear him alot and I have ways of getting him to sleep. He is doing so awesome on breastfeeding. He is growing like a weed. He gained three pounds in a month on my breastmilk. I am so proud of him. He is a beautiful healthy little boy. 

Avanelle is doing great! She is learning to ride her bike with training wheels. She has difficulty getting up the drive way but is trying so hard. I am so proud of her. She is also doing great swimming. I cannot believe how much she has learned this summer. I am very proud of my three year old girl!

Christina is learning to ride in the road on her bike. She has been going bike riding with Randy.  We also have a trailer for Ava to ride in. They all three are enjoying riding bikes. I love it. Christina is doing very well and may need a bigger bike next year. She is getting so big!! 

My family as a whole

We are doing great. Getting back to the old routine. Randy and I recently made me a ring sling. Which I am very proud of. I love wearing Corbin in it. I hope we can get to the beach this week or next. We have not been able to go yet. I ended up deciding on working this weekend so that is out. I am sure we will get there. Overall we are happy healthy, busy and just loving life. I love my little family of five!

 

Maternity leave just about over.......

The past six weeks have went fast. Seems like just yesterday I was holding my baby boy looking forward to our time of bonding and getting to know one another. Now at 6 weeks he is 11 pounds, 22 inches and just doing awesome. I guess ready or not here I go. Back to work.


Here are the events that made the weeks go oh so fast. Week one I just was getting the hang of things. By week two I needed an outing. My family and I went to the zoo. Week three we went to Cosi. Week four we went to various parks, restaurants and many other little outings like that. Week five, we really just went swimming and stayed at home and had Corbin's one month and follow up ear appointment.Everything ended up being fine. Week six, I am hoping that we get to go to the beach if possible. Week seven, back to work. I am still alive after all of that. It is a miracle. 


So now I am planning on going back to work. I have 100 plus ounces of breast milk in my freezer, we have tried Corbin on bottles, and I am healed for the most part. So I guess I am prepared. I am going to cry the first day but I will be fine after a couple of days.Really it is time to get life back to normal. I miss work and I miss my clients. 


              Pictures,
First picture is Corbin watching his mobile on his swing , Second picture is Ava playing with Corbin, Third picture is Christina and Ava sleeping in a box.

One month old..............

So I made it a month!! Corbin is now a month old. In the past month I have had my moments and some days it was hard. Especially since I am breastfeeding. He went through a growth spurt at 10 days and it is just now slowing down a bit. I am still getting up three times a night though. I am ok with that because he is growing. You can see it. I love being his mommy. I have to say though it has been tough. He has been a very hungry little boy eating almost every hour to two hours. He never seems content. I am worried that maybe he has reflux. Something I need to talk to the doctor about. He has a repeat hearing test next week. He passed the first part. The machine broke before we could do the second part. I am sure he is fine. Especially since we passed the first part. Well that is all I have for now.

Overwhelmed!

Wednesday was not a good day for me. I was very overwelmed and the baby just wanted to eat and eat. The girls fought and not6hing got cleaned or done. Randy came home and we went to the store. I felt so much better being out of the house. As soon as we came home I got right back into being overwhelmed. I had to cook, breastfeed and all my other evening things. Randy had to get on his homework and could not help me. I just wanted to cry. Everything was going wrong. I hope for a better day tomorrow. I talked to Randy about how I was feeling and we worked out a plan. We will communicate more about when a good time is for him to do homework. He felt bad he left me alone and overwhelmed. I cried on his shoulder the rest of the night. I told him everything that was bothering me. That made me feel better.

Corbin 1 week old

My baby is one week old already. How time flies when you are enjoying every minute of it. He is such a sweet baby. He sleeps good and is nursing so well. I could not believe the difference between waiting to nurse and just doing it right away. He caught on so fast. The girls love him they will barely leave him to sleep. I had to make a rule that if he is asleep you cannot touch him. Pumping is going well too. I have over 30 oz in the freezer for when I go back to work. Yeah I am tired most of the time but it is so worth it. He is just doing so well and so am I.
Of course there is one little thing. He did not pass his hearing test in his left ear. So July 5th he is going to be re-tested. I am nervous but at the same time it could just be he had fluid in his ear. Tomorrow is his first check up with the doctor and they are suppose to talk to me more about it. I am not going to panic til I have to. Even then I am not going to panic per say. I probably will keep taking him til we figure out what we can do for him. No matter what though I am going to love him. I am pretty sure it was just  fluid left in his ear or something. I am sure everything will be fine. I did everything right when I was pregnant and he is healthy as can be. I cannot see him not being able to hear. I am sure everything will be fine but still it is in the back of my mind what if.

Being a mother of three............

For five days now I have been the mother of three children. Unlike most parents, my hubby and I were not able to spend the first week together. I was on my own Monday with all three kids. He had to go back to work. So I had to find ways of doing things and getting things done.It was tough at first. I had a problem managing time. But now I am on day five and I am doing very well.

Today I made breakfast, lunch and cleaned. I was able to do three loads of laundry and breastfeed my infant. I changed a million diapers. Helped the girls clean their rooms and did an art project with them.I feel like super mom. Hopefully things keep going this good.

Corbin Lee is here and my family is now complete!

Friday I went to my daughter's softball game. I was sure that nothing was going to happen anytime soon. Well I woke up at 3 am with contractions. They were different. I timed them and then woke up my husband. They were 3 minutes apart before 5. We called the in laws and they came over and to watch my girls. We headed to the hospital. By 7 I was 7 dilated. Everything happened so fast this time. Before I knew it I was in active labor and not doing so well with the pain. I got the epi. Yeah I guess I am a wimp.  They pains were so bad in my legs that I could not walk nor really sit up too much. Which I am sure made it so much worse on me. At 10:16 am I gave birth to Corbin Lee. He was 7 lbs 6 oz.  19 3/4 inches The biggest baby I ever had. I tore and had to be sewn up. This is the first time I have ever had stitches in my life. I got to breastfeed within minutes of giving birth. He took right to it and now when he sees me or hears me, his face lights up and wants to eat lol. I am still very very sore. Corbin had some issues with gas last night due to the high fiber diet they put me on in the hospital. He is doing much  better since we have been home and I can balance what I eat a little better. 

Guess what? We are complete! I just thought I should write that because that feeling I have been waiting for is here. As much as I would love to have more children I think three is a great number. We have our boy and our girls. We are done while we are ahead.

Everything is winding down......... and a little vent I need to get off my chest

Everything is winding down. My pregnancy is about over. I am just waiting to go into labor at this point. Monday I will get my membranes sweepted if I have not had him. Everything is about to change. I cannot wait.

Today the girls and I made tie dye red white and blue shirts. We even made one for Corbin. I cannot wait to get a picture of all three of them in their little shirts. We also made sand art and played go fish. We had to find something to do because the weather was super rainy. The girls enjoyed our time together. It made me feel good to get to do some activities with them before the baby. I also got their presents from Corbin in the mail. They enjoyed getting a gift. I also let them pick out something small for him. Christina got him a hungry caterpillar rattle and Avanelle got him a monkey rattle.I have it all bagged up and ready to go. All they have to do is bring it to the hospital. They both are so excited!

Now for my vent...................
When will people grow up? My sister just graduated, well she will on Sunday and she thinks it is acceptable to continue living at home. She has no job and no liences and she has a baby! Ok I understand she just had the baby but it is time to start doing something! I mean I was living on my own my senior year. Sure I was on assistance but I did what I had to do for my child. Then she has this boyfriend, whom i cannot stand. Sorry he is an idiot. Everything that comes out of his mouth is about the dumbest shit I have ever heard. He does not have a job and is 3 years behind in school. What a fucking looser! He does not deserve my sister! He comes to my house makes his little smart ass comments about how I do things, but he does not even have a job. He got fired from KFC from stealing food!! His looser ass loves to tell my sister she needs a job but does not have one himself! I am sorry but I am so disappointed in how my sister is doing things. I do not mind helping her but she has to do something to help herself. Nobody is going to coddle her. She is going to have to get a job like the rest of us. She is going to have to do the hard things. Nobody is going to pay for her forever. She expects my mother to keep paying for her until she gets on her feet. That is funny as hell. I do not see my mother doing that. This is the difference between my sister and myself. I am independent and she is dependent on people.

Now this tid bit is classic my ex. Her boyfirend will not get up for school. He blames everyone for why he does not get up. He expects my sister and his mother to hold his hand and help him get up. Are you kidding me? When you get a job nobody will be waking you up. You have to learn to get an alarm or instead of having Mommy buy you new games for your wii you could have her buy you an alarm clock. He does not seem to get that once you become an adult ( having sex and having a child) it's time to grow the hell up! Still does not have a job by the way. Been fired for over 6 months. My sister has one starting in July but he has no one. I had to hold Jeff's little hand too. Still tries to get me to do his responsibility. That's why you should never start doing that for a man. A man needs to be a man. So glad my husband is one.

Then you have my brother. Ugh! So frustrated with him. He has no job, no place to live, a child, a lazy ass girlfriend, and has had several years to get on his feet. Well guess what? He is living with my mom. His girlfriend does not have a job. She spends her days drunk. She claims being sober is no fun. My brother takes his food stamps and sells them. He buys alcohol instead of juice and milk for his daughter. He would rather have that then anything else. He is not really looking for a job. Him and his girlfriend sleep in and let other people take care of their kid. They refuse to get wicc to help with the milk and other items. They have had three places only to get evicted. Just disappointing. I do not see either one of them every changing. Why because Mommy and Daddy continue to bail their asses out. I wish they would kick them out and let the child live there. Maybe spending sometime in a homeless shelter will get them motivated!

I know I sound like I am being mean. But you have to realize these are the people I love. I am watching them act stupid and not do right by their child. It is so frustrating to watch. Someday I get so angry about it. I just have to put my worries down. I guess I should worry about me. Really hard when their are two beautiful children involved in these situations. Just burns me up to no end.

Drinking Raspberry tea.........

Sitting here drinking my tea. Hoping these cramps are helping me efface. Thinking about getting into the pool later and just relaxing. I might even take a walk. I am ready for this. Randy is too. We cannot wait to welcome our son into our family. Finally I will have one of each. How crazy is it that the shettles method worked? How crazy is it that we chose the sex of our child? I do not care about the pain stretch marks or all the scarring I have from the zofran pump. It is going to be so worth it soon. Enough for me to forget about it. I will be holding my boy in a week or so. I am so excited!!

I am not sure if my family will be complete. I know for the sake of our financial future I probably should be done. We all know my medical problems are expensive. I owe about 3,000 for the pump that kept me hydrated. I would have never gotten through this pregnancy without it. There were days I wanted to die. So mush vomiting and I was so weak. I even thought that I was going to die of dehydration a few times. I am so glad Randy's mom was there helping me. I do not know what I would have done without her. I doubt Randy will let me have anymore children. I think watching me twice was enough for him. I know he cried every night that I was sick. Now he looks at me and smiles but I know he is still worried. Worried about how this is going to effect my life long term. Being that dehydrated is not good on the body. Hell not good for women period. Especially when it comes to calcium absorption. My bones are probably going to be weak when I am older.

So are we done? I do not know. Not ready to say we are. Not ready to make anything permanent.I would love to have one more. But not sure if my body and my fiances can afford it. When the time comes Randy will get fixed and we will make a commitment to it. But we will not know til Corbin is older. I love children and this is a hard decision for me to make. Maybe I will foster someday. Who knows what the future holds.

Cosi, Swimming, Tina's Second game, and baby's room

Cosi
Was very fun. The girls loved learning about the dinosaurs and just being girls. I enjoyed the walking and the cramps. I cannot wait for them to get stronger so I can get this little boy out of me.

The activities that we did included, going through a maze, climbing, digging for bones, playing a stimulated dinosaur game, looking at the real looking dinos that made sounds, doing art projects in the hallway, and learning and answering questions about what we learned. We also visited the space exhibit, ocean exhibit, outside exhibit, life exhibit and progress. We seen how big Corbin is in the life exhibit. They even had models for older children about how the baby comes out. I showed Tina since we already talked about how babies are made.

After visiting the exhibits we went out to eat one last time as a family of four. Ava of course had to eat like a dog. Tina was her normal self doing puzzles and talking about school. It was nice to just sit there and take it all in. Soon there will be five of us. I can hardly wait. 

 

Swimming 

Of course we could not just put up our pool. Oh no there had to be some drama. Randy had to fix the outside hose because it was no longer working. Of course he had no idea we had a water break at some point. After fixiing it he ended up having to fix that to. Of course we had a big flood in our kitchen that had to be cleaned and the water had to stay off for over a 12 hour period to get it done. After all of that we finally have the pool filled up. The girls enjoyed swimming in it yesterday. Avanelle can even touch this year. Makes me feel so much better about having it in the back yard and dealing with a baby. I know she can swim well and she would never go in without her swimming equipment. Much too scared to.

  Christina's Second game of the season 

Finally after all the rain Christina gets a second game. I was kind of upset because it seemed like the team they played were far more advanced. Almost like they were stacked. Tina had to bat against a very fast pitcher and I thought that was wrong. It is first year coach pitch. Not fast pitch. Tina was not used to that type of  throwing and striked out twice. One girl on her team even cried. I of course stared crying too. Tina had fun in the end and I guess that is what matters. Still not happy with how they stack the teams.Oh I took the camera but it was so hot I forgot to take pictures lol. 

Baby's room 

I am now going to take you back in time. Saturday of last week. Randy finally got the dresser done and it looks so great!!! I am so proud of him and all the work he has been able to do for our new addition. I cannot wait to use it. Everything is put in it and ready to go. Now to get this baby out. 

Can't fit in my swim suit anymore lol. Look at those stretch marks.

Looking at the week ahead.............

Busy week ahead. I have so much going on. After working the whole weekend I am of course behind on cleaning. I love Randy but he is not as good as keeping the house in order as I am. Laundry is something i cannot get the man to do. He will fold, clean but I have a hard time getting anything put away. I spend all day Monday playing catch up. Oh well. I have to work. I have to clean. I have to do the things I do. 

So my week is pretty full. Today I work yet again. Tomorrow I am off but Tina has yet another appointment about her utis. Wednesday I have a training most of the day and then I work. I go right from the training to work. Thursday I may get to relax at home. Probably will be behind on chores due to all the appointment though. Friday I have an ob appointment and then we have to go get Tina from school and go to Cosi. We have tickets to see the dinosaur exhibit. We are members so we get a seek peek at it before everyone else. I am excited to get another activity in before Corbin is here. I know things are going to be tough for the girls at first. but with time things will get easier. 

Weekend
Well Randy is putting up the pool. Yes is it that time of year again. He has to smooth out the dirt and get it up. I cannot wait to let the girls swim. I am sure they are getting excited about that part of summer coming. Probably mid June Swimming can begin again. Once the water warms up. I cannot wait to swim myself. I miss it so much. Sitting in my little chair in the pool with Randy in the candle light. Talking laughing. being married. Hopefully Corbin lets us have that. So excited for summer!

97% of women need three things to breatfeed, Education, Support and Boobs!

I sit back and watch so many people on social networks talk about how they cannot breastfeed. I hear women talk about how their supply was not there or how they could not latch the baby after trying a couple of times. I do not know about you but to me it is obvious what the problem is. Lack of education, commitment and determination. 

To the women who say I did not have the supply. Did you exclusively breastfeed? Did you supplement before your milk was established? Breastfeeding is a supply and demand relationship. If you do not use it, then you loose it.Did you use artificial nipples that may have confused the infant? If you answered yes to any of these questions then that is probably your problem. 


"I cannot get him or her to latch." Have you tried more than just in the hospital? Did you give your child supplements? Did you try different holds? Did you continue at it? Are you really wanting to breastfeed? Because in order to successfully breastfeed you need to continue at it for at least til your milk is well established. 6 weeks or so. Be honest with yourself. Are you just "trying" it or do you really want to do it? Trying and doing are two different things. Doing requires determination and attempting over and over. Even when you are tired, in pain, and just want to give up. You try the next thing. You do more research. You contact the Lactation Consultant. That is doing. 

Trying is sticking the baby up to the boob a couple times in the hospital and giving up because it is hard. Or listening to the nurses bullshit about blood sugar ( they tried to get me to supplement with that lie) Baby is fine. There is colostrum and it is all your baby needs the first few days. I mean what did women do before formula? Something to ask yourself. 


I am not trying to put anyone down with this blog. What you choose to do with your baby is your choice. I do think women need more support and need to be more educated about breastfeeding. Mainly because breastfeeding would help with many child hood illnesses and disorders. That has been proven by the medical community over and over again. 


Now back to my point. 

One thing that really annoys me about people and breastfeeding is the whole line my child was formula fed and they did not die. No they did not die. But they did not get the right nutrition. They could have been spared from that ear infection or that cold. I feel like most women know this and feel guilty about it. That is why they attack breastfeeding. Out of guilt and out of jealousy. 

But really at the end of the day I do not even blame women to why breastfeeding is not more common. I blame our society and our culture. We see boobs as sexual objects. We see nudity as something dirty. We are taught to be ashamed of our bodies. We are taught boobs are for the sexual gratification of men. So not true. And not right.

I am proud of my body. I am proud of my boobs. I have no problem breastfeeding in public. I have no problem with making someone uncomfortable to feed my child. Seriously how immature is if for a person to feel uncomfortable over a breast? That person needs to grow up. That person needs to change their thinking. Breasts are to feed our children. That is why we have them. That is their first purpose. I hope someday to live in a world where women want to breastfeed and it is more accepted than formula. That is a dream of mine. I want to see more women nursing in public and less of those disgusting artificial nipples. I want to see more nurses encourage and nurture the breastfeeding relationship. Instead of handing out false information and discouraging it. That is my dream. I hope it comes true sooner than later.

Update on how things are going........ Have not witten in awhile.

Tomorrow I am 36 weeks pregnant. Time is going fast. Randy is working hard on gettting the dresser done before I have the baby. I think I will probably end up putting the kids to bed by myself tonight. I am tired but he has to work as long as he can.

School is winding down for the year and Tina was accepted for open enrollment yet again. Very happy she gets to continue going to the best public school in the county. I am very proud of her accomplishments there. She is playing softball for River Vally. Due to the crappy weather the season is taking forever go take off. I am hoping there are some game and practices soon. It's kind of working out because Randy is getting some much needed time to work on the dresser.

As for me I am winding down on work. I have 9 days left then I am on maternity leave. At least two weeks of it will be paid. 29 days til my due date. Wow this pregnancy has went fast. I cannot wait to hold my little man. I have been waiting for him for so long. I am very lucky to finally be having a son!

I really would like to go to Cosi before I have the baby. They are having a members only viewing of the dinosaur exhibit. I have been waiting to take the kids.

Tina's First solfball game!

Tina had her first softball game yesterday night. It was a late game. Not to mention very cold. Anyway, this is her first year in kid pitch. She did not know all the rules yet because they have had one practice due to all the rain. She was so confused at one point that she did not know that she was just walked on first base. She also had difficulty being the catcher. She could not bend down like she needed to. Then when the coach was yelling run she ran but he was not talking to her. She cried a couple of times. I helped her dust it off. She is so much like me at her age. Gets embarrassed easy. I felt bad for her But she has to learn that life is full of embarrassments. She will get better at ball. She just has to pay attention and keep trying.

On another note, there are only 40 days til my due date. Wow it has went fast. I really hope Randy can get the dresser done soon. I am starting to feel overwhelmed. I want things to be done already. We have the baseboard to finish and the dresser that needs done. Other than that I am think we are just about there. 34 weeks pregnant. Can you believe it? I know I am having a hard time.

Ugh kids with Dirty Mouths!!!!!!

I was so upset yesterday. I took my girls to the school with some friends. I was very upset when I heard some of things these kids are saying. For one I would never allow my 9 year old so say these things and I would never allow her to go to the school by herself because I know what goes on up there when there are no parents around. I had to correct three children from saying words against homosexuals, and for using the word bitch. I was so freaking mad! I told them if they want to use that language then they need to go home. I do not want to hear it and either does my three year old. You should have seen how fast they shut up. That is why there needs to be adult supervision up there. That is why I will not allow Tina to go there alone. What are people thinking? Seriously? I guess they allow their kids to go there alone so they do not have to. Next time I am going to ask to talk to some parents. They need to know what their child is doing. I know what mine are doing because I have taught them right from wrong. I let Tina know that I better never hear her say those words. Especially in public and especially around little kids. I told her friend (who I have to supervise) she can be a bit of a trouble maker. Tina is not allowed to play with her unattended. That she better not bring that crap to my house either. Or she will not be allowed around. The boy that was cussing was referring to her. I have a feeling there is a whole story there. But I really could care less. She is not my kid. Thank goodness because my kid would have never been suspended for nine days for fighting. Where are the parents is my question.

Messy kids have more fun!

One of my biggest pet peeves is parents that do not let their kids be kids. Most the women I know that are like this actually have their children close to being ocd. They are so afraid to play in the mud or finger paint because they might get dirty! Are you kidding me? Getting messy is the point of being a child! Let your child be a kid! They have tons of time to worry about staining clothing or being clean. Childhood is the time to get dirty and to experience things. 

I guess one thing I took from all the early childhood classes was that children learn better when they are getting messy. At my house we play in flour, wet noodles, water with funnels,dirt, and any other thing I can get my hands on. One of the things I observed in the daycare was how children would stay busy for hours exploring something simple like corn starch or flour. They would feel it and figure out what they could do with it. I took that home with me. Christina was about two. Since then I have used it as part of my parenting. Sensory is just an awesome way to build your child's brain. Randy has build us a sand and water table to do this. We use it often. Especially in the summertime outside. 

I am not trying to sound like I am a better parent because I let my kids get messy. I am sure there are great parents that don't. I am just trying to share my life experience as a parent.I am not better than anyone. I just love writing and sharing about my crazy adventures with my kids. I hope to inspire other parents to stop worrying so much and enjoy their children. If I can get one person to do that I would be so happy. Life is too short to worry about petty things that will not matter in 20 years. If your child ruined some outfit you will not care about that by tomorrow. I promise you. You will have memories of how much fun you had with your child. Your child will then pass it on to their children. Then we will have a whole generation of smart children. Children that are well adjusted and remember such good times with their parents. 

 Well I am off to do some more crazy things with my three year old. We have so much fun. We went for a walk, played with chalk. painted with bubbles (so messy) and now we are playing with funnels and water. We are trying to figure out how to get water from one container to another using our funnels. She is so into it. I love being a mommy! Days like this make me happy. Enjoy your children too. They are not small forever!

child support and medical insurance must be optional in the state of Ohio

" Oh we will call him Mrs. Channell and find out why he is not paying.", " Oh we do not enforce medical bill payments we just make orders that we cannot totally enforce". " You will have to get a lawyer and take him to court for not paying what we ordered him to pay." Any of this sound familiar? This is what I hear all the time. Nobody seems to care or want to make the man who helped make Christina accountable for paying for her. It has been just about two month without child support and Since January without proof of insurance. I called the old insurance company and he no longer has a policy through them. If he does not have insurance then he has to pay me more a month. Of course they never check to make sure he is dong what he is suppose to. I have to do their job. So tired of this. I just want him to do what he is ordered to do. If he does not want anything to do with her but on her birthday, Fine! I just want him to do what is court ordered. Funny thing is he will not communicate with me. I have called him, messaged him, and I have been nice too. How many people would be nice? Not many. Ugh I just want to scream and throw something. Of course they were suppose to call me back and never did. Figures. When they do and if they do I am going to inform them of the lack of medical insurance being provided. I am hoping they give me extra money for the months he has not reported it. Hopefully I can convince the people I owe medical bills to, to go after him for their portion of the payment. As of right now all the bills are in Randy's name. Which I think is bullshit. I seriously almost had a hormonal breakdown. Seems like nobody wanted to help me. Here I am working my ass off to support my child and the father has no responsibility in that. It's almost like it is optional or something. I have this piece of paper but nobody cares.If I had the money I would sue his ass. Well wish me luck. Venting really has helped keep me from going off. So frustrating!

Friday our day of celebrating Spring

What a great Friday. What a great time I had with my girls. We painted eggs, colored eggs, made rice crispy treats, had an egg hunt inside, and just enjoyed our day together. I am very lucky to have such great girls.

Randy worked in the garage on the baby's changing table with his dad most of the day. I was ok with that because I love spending alone time with the girls. Hoping for some nice weather on my day off.

Yes, I work all weekend. I do not mind. I have had this holiday off before and to tell you the truth it's just about the Easter bunny for us anyway. About the start of spring. We are not religious people. So it does not matter what day we celebrate spring. We gave the girls their Easter baskets on Friday. I never got a picture because they had them torn up before I could lol. They both got a toy they wanted and a set of colored bubbles. Which we are going to do an art project with. I am excited about that. No it was not how I wanted to spend our spring celebration but the weather gave me no choice.

Later that night Randy painted my belly like an egg. It was so fun and Corbin responded to almost every stroke.He did a great job too. Christina wanted to do my belly next and she did a great job too. Everyone got the chance to paint Corbin lol. Those are great memories that I will hold in my heart forever and I cannot wait to share it with Corbin.

Sunday I have to work again. Someone has to take care of the mentally handicap when their parents don't. I feel very fortunate to be the person to help.  I get the joy of receiving a paycheck that has a purpose. It helps my family while I am helping someone else. I love my job and my three clients are like family to me. I love helping them. Very few people can say their job helps someone. I mean really helps someone. Mine does. Not financially either. In all the important ways. Like, cooking, cleaning, helping them with their basic everyday needs.

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Avanelle and Mommy

Seems like not but a week ago Avanelle was my sweet little girl. She was agreeable and we spent the days together learning and doing art projects. Well all of that has changed suddenly. She talks back, does not listen and thinks she knows everything! What a 360 change!

Here are some fun things we have done lately. Enjoy! I know we have. Purple is Ava's favorite color. Some things I did not picture include a bar graph of colors of fruit loops, fruit loop art and our number line we made. Ava is mastering her cutting beautifully. I am very impressed and proud. I just wish her attitude  would change lol. But I find when I keep her busy she is not so bad. 


Something that has been heavy on my mind lately is her being the middle child. I hate that I have to have one. But she will be fine. I am a good mother and very confident that I can make her feel special too. She is a good child she will be fine. I cannot think about my brother being the middle child because it scares me. I cannot believe how he turned out. I really do not want that for Avanelle. So I guess I will have to find a great balance when the baby gets here. I have to make sure things do not change too much. She still gets her art activities and we still do Mommy and Ava things. Just got to keep the confidence. Well I am off to deal with my new difficult child. Wish me luck .

Saturday and a little vent

Today was an early day. Tina had softball pictures early and then she had to go to Randy's Grandmother's 90th birthday. Randy and I decided just to send the kids this year. One, we really do not care for the women and two, we have alot of work in the baby's rooms to get done. The girls had a great time. While they were there Randy and I worked on the crib. Randy's dad came over too. We had a great time.

The girls came home with presents from Grandma. She is always spoiling them with something. Tina got a new soccer ball and Ava new ponies. The girls really seemed to have a great time with Randy's cousins kids. I am glad that got to go. They were happy the rest of the night! What a great day for them. 

Well Friday has come and went. No child support still. Not a dime since March 2nd. I am owed well over a thousand again. I tried texting and calling Jeff. He was suppose to help with paying for Tina's ball. He never did. He will not take my calls and has not talked to Tina for over two months.He is not only ignoring his daughter but also his financial responsibility as a parent. I had to pay 100 dollars for her to play then another 40 for pictures. He has not helped one bit like our agreement says. Not only that but I have yet to receive a insurance card. He is suppose to have insurance on her. Without a card I have no way of knowing if he does or not. I also have no way of using it. I think the word here is neglect. He is neglecting his child. Which is because I firmly believe that a father should have time with his child. Matter of fact I would give her to him half the time if he lived closer. That was always my plan. I am sad for Tina it is not working out that way. I wish it was different. But I cannot change it. I would for a second. I would do anything for my daughter to have a relationship with him. That is much more important than the money. But I still think he should help. He helped bring her into this world too. I have always taken care of her pretty much by myself. I wish he was more involved. She needs both of us. Well talking about it will not change it. Makes me feel better though.

Enjoying the nice weather and our weekend plans

Yesterday was finally nice for us. Ava and I did art projects during the day and took a nice long walk with the dog. When Tina was finally out of school, the whole family went to the park together for an hour. We then came home ate dinner and played outside til it was dark. Avanelle fell asleep on the couch at seven and never really woke back up. Tina did her homework and read. She then took a shower and went to bed with no problems. I took a warm bath and went to bed shortly there after. Randy was an awesome husband and cleaned up the kitchen. Such a good husband. I am so lucky.


Weekend is hopefully going to be very productive on Corbin's room. I plan on painting the ceiling tonight. Then while Randy is putting together the crib I plan on putting on the stickers and stars on the ceiling. I still have to finish my rocket mobile and hang up the paintings we made for the room. So much to do and so little time! Ugh I am ready! I got to get the taping done so I better get off here and get that done.