My four year old is breastfeeding!!!!!!

My baby girl nurses her baby penguin. I am so proud of her and the fact she understands this is the way babies are suppose to be fed. So cute!

I wish this was a dream.....

As a mother, your worst fear is loosing a child. I cannot imagine that pain and I hope to never experience it.

Yesterday, I received a call from my mother in law. My sister in law who was pregnant with twin is going in for an emergency c section. Her daughter's heartbeat was not able to be found. Long story short they delivered my nephew and my niece was born still born. My heart is broken. My sweet little niece is no longer with us.


What god would do this? My sister in law only ever wanted to be a mother. She struggled for years with infertility and finally she was pregnant after invitro. Then she finds out it's twins! Shortly after that she finds out that she is having a boy and a girl. Her life is coming together and she can finally have the family she always wanted. She is a very devoted Christian. Then yesterday that perfect ending is just stolen from her. No baby girl. Why? 


Why does an Atheist like me get three kids, the love of my life and the family I always wanted but a devoted Christian has struggled to get this? This is god's plan? How cruel this so called god is. How unfeeling and cruel. 


This whole thing gives makes me more atheist than I ever was before. My niece deserved life just like my kids do. My niece deserves to be here so I can hold her. Why! Why? If anyone is made to be a mother it is my sister in law. I do not get it. I am not angry at this so called god. I am angry that this has happened to my sister in law. I am angry that my niece is not here and I will never get to meet her. I will never get to hold her. Then people go on and on about god's plan. Killing babies is god's plan? There is no such thing as god. My niece died because her heart stopped. Not because god wanted her. She is gone because she had something wrong with her that the doctors did not detect. It makes my heart hurt just as much either way though.

Our Amazing bean

Wow 24 hours!!! I love how fast it is growing!!

Really Anne Romney

Dear Ann Romney,
I really think you are a complete disgrace! Comparing yourself to hard working stay at home moms is disgusting! I mean a stay at home mom actually works. There is no one to take care of their children, clean up after their children or even cook for their children. So before you go on the defense about a job you know nothing about remember you are out of touch!

Let's pretend for argument sake that staying at home for you is a hard job. Tell me a time you took out the trash? Tell me about a time you stayed up all night with a sick child. Tell me about a time when your child needed something and you hoped that you could afford it when pay day came after you paid your various other bills. I do not believe you would be able to tell me of any of that. 

Ann, your children have been gone for 13 years. Why do you still not have a job? That's right your stay at home mom days are over and you still do not have a job!

There is nothing worse than a women who opens her mouth who is clueless! That is what you are. A clueless ignorant women! You and your husband know nothing about hardship or being under water on a mortgage . My husband and I work hard only to be stuck in a house we are slowly growing out of. Meanwhile, you and your husband have robbed people of their jobs and their financial security. Shame on you!!!!

Please Ann do not go on and on about how not to hate you because you are rich. It's not about you being rich at all. It's about you not being able to connect with 99% of women. You cannot put yourself in our shoes. You cannot even imagine how different you are from regular women. It's not your fault I know. It however became your fault when you started trying to misrepresent the truth. People can see right through your lies you know.

So please Ann , be honest. You were not a stay at home mom in the traditional sense. You were a rich privilege women. You  not only never held down a job, but the very job you brag about you never held it down either.

Don't Label Me!!!!

The first part of my blog today is going to be about religion then the second part will be about the family.

Religion

A child is not born a christian, Muslim, Jew or even an Atheist. A child is born with the right to decide for themselves. of course it is up to the parents to let them practice that right. I take my children to the secular parents group and the Humanist Community. The good thing about both of these places is that they are not forced or brainwashed to believe in anything. There is a huge value of education and deciding for yourself at these places. Nobody tells my children that they "must" believe in anything. My kids are looked at as individuals that can choose for themselves when the time comes. We encourage thinking and questioning everything. Including Atheism and Humanism. My children are introduced to religion as they get older and can think for themselves. I have books about Christianity and other religions at their exposal. Matter of fact they are encouraged to be education when they make their decisions. I do not want them to think that just because I feel a certain way they must. Or read a book and think it is truth. Nobody knows what the truth is.

Family 

Step child, Child from previous relationship, half sister, half brother, and many other variations of labels are not tolerated in my family. I will tell you why. Because it is hurtful and it sends a message that someone does not fit in. I hate when people do this. You are either family or not!! It's simple. It's not the child's fault they are not the bio child of the person you are with. They should not be punished with a label. If they child wants the label then sure fine they made that decision. 

So in a nutshell I am basically saying that while we are parents and it is our responsibility to teach our children, it is not our job to tell them who to be. We can guide them and give them resources but in the end the decision is theirs and theirs alone. I will love my children no matter what they decide but I refuse to decide for them. I just want them to take the time to think. A great way to raise free thinking children is have them read and explore ideas. I want my children to not count out any possibility to why we are here and what our purpose on earth is.

Let there be life in my garden!!!

Let there be life in my container garden! And there is. My garden is looking great so far. I have peas in their five gallon buckets already. I have cucumbers that will be moving to their permanent home soon. I have lazy beans but they are starting to sprout. I have lettuce that needs a salad table ( hint hint hubby) I have strawberries starting to form their green leaves. I have four beautiful broccoli plants. Every child's nightmare.  And many others. Unfortunately I do not have pepper sprouts yet. Hopefully soon. This weekend I am doing some major planting and getting ready for the season. I will update the plant pictures as they progress. There is nothing like fresh veggies and frutis from your garden. Anyone can do this even with very little space and knowledge!

                                                     Hello Broccoli. 3 other plants like this

                                                    Romaine Lettuce three in each.

                                                               Tina's zinnias. Ava's daisies not pictured. Still pretty small.                       
  


  Lazy green bean just starting  
                  

 

                                                                         Roma tomatoes are getting there           (above)

             Sugar snap peas below. 3 more of these                                                                                               

           














                                                                                                          Cucumber needs a bigger home.

Strawberry Plant getting bigger! I have three. This is one of them.

The great thing about being married to Randy

The great thing about being married to Randy is that we can talk. If we have problems we talk them out and get through them. I understand that we have three kids and things are hard. I know we do not get enough time together. Sometimes this makes things hard and stressful on our relationship. The great thing is we get through it. My husband tries hard to understand me and make me feel wonderful. He did that yet again. Not only did he stay up all night during our argument cleaning but he gave me the birthday celebration I so badly wanted. I came home to so many thoughtful things. He apologized and we made up. One fight a year is not bad. We deal with it and move on. I love him. Just as much as I always have. My favorite thing to do it to listen to him. I love to hear about how he feels and his dreams. 

Five years (almost) of marriage and we are as strong as ever. I know this is the make or break point for most marriages. I have seen too many go down the tubes at this point. I think communication and understanding goes a long ways. Marriage counseling has happened to many of the people in my family at this point. I am not knocking marriage counseling but it is nice to have the communication not to need it. To work through your problems on your own.Randy and I can do this and it makes us stronger. We are stronger today then we have ever been. Every once a year argument makes us understand each other better.

Why Me?

Most of the time I have a life that is seriously almost like a fairy tale. I have my prince charming and we have lived happily ever after. Times like today are not one of those times. 

Today was horrible. I just want to cry. It's like nothing is good enough for all the people around me. I am just so sick. No matter how much I give, it's not good enough. I try so hard to make other people feel special. I know it's wrong of me to expect or what anything in return and I don't. But once in awhile it would be nice to have a little of the joy I give other people. I am not talking material things I am talking sentimental stuff. Something that shows me that you give a crap about me. Even if to you the occasion does not matter. To me it does. I only have so many birthdays here on this earth. I want each of them to count. 

I am always doing special things for people. Always. Making cakes. Doing special projects. Making presents with the kids. it would just be nice to get some of that back. I want to feel appreciated and loved. Like I matter. I am going to be honest I do not expect to get everything I give back. I just wish and hope that someone would think about me for once. Working 12 hours and coming home to a beautifully clean house would be nice. No instead I come home to a mess. I am just so pissed and hurt. I slammed things and to tell you the truth it made me feel a little better. I then told my husband how I was feeling finally. I had been holding it inside for days. I can't lie I was hoping he just did not have time or that I was coming home to a card or a something sentimental. 

Maybe I am just upset and I do not really mean this but sometimes I feel like the man does not love me. I mean I am always complimenting him, doing special things for him. I get nothing in return. Not a kind word. I know he is a man but how hard is it to say something nice? How hard is it to do something sweet for me to show you love me? Plan a date. Or surprise me? I live and breath him. I am always thinking about him in everything I do. Does he me? See I am not sure. I don't know anymore. I really don't. I feel overwhelmed and very angry right now. I do not know if I can even look at him tonight. I work tomorrow so it is going to suck feeling this way til 9 pm tomorrow with no solution or resolution to the problem.

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Today I am 27 years old. Where has the time gone? Seems like just yesterday I was starting out on my own and now I am a mommy of three and married. 27 really does not feel any different. I mean I am still me and still doing the same things I have always done. 

I made a cake today for Randy and my birthday. Here it is. Red Velvet with a chocolate butter cream filling. So yummy. 

Today we also were able to play in the water beads in the sensory table. Good thing about them is that they are non toxic and they pretty much dissolve if you eat them. I bought several packs and they kids just loved them. I want to get bigger ones. 


Later we are going to see the Easter Bunny. What a great birthday.

Sand and water fun and our plants are growing!!

The one thing I think every child enjoys is exploring new things with their five senses. I have always loved giving them that opportunity with a sensory table or a sand and water table. Randy made one over the weekend and if you check out my recipe tab you will find the plans for it. I recommend you get water proof long sleeve smocks if you plan on doing water.  So far I have done water and corn meal. Corbin loved touching it and figuring out the best way to grasp it in his hands. What a great small motor activity for a child of that age. Of course you want to make sure they do not chock  on whatever you plan on putting it the table.

 

Broccoli 

                                                               Strawberries
Another thing I want to write about today is the progress of my garden. So far I have some strawberry sprouts and broccoli sprouts. We also are doing a science experiment in which we can watch your beans grow in a bag. I am sure you did that in school at some point. We are guessing how long it takes for a bean to sprout. So far they think they will see a little seedling in about a week. I think they are very close to the right answer. We also talked about what plants need to grow. I hope to keep this updated so we can look back and see how far our garden has come.


                                                      Bean experiment.

My weekend with my family

What a great weekend I had with my kids and hubby. It was so nice to do something for us for a change on my weekend off. I am always doing things for other people and not getting the time with my kids and hubby that I so desperately need. On Friday we stay home and went to the park with the kiddos. We went and fed the ducks.

 On Saturday, we went to Cosi. They had a new race and water exhibit I really wanted to see. The water exhibit let you walk through an actual cloud. My kids enjoyed that part of it. The race exhibit was really nice and had puppets and other items to teach about race. I loved the teaching moments it gave me. I was able to let them know that race does not define a person. A person of any race can be anything! 

                     Water exhibit and Kids Space fun                            

Sunday we went to the zoo. It started out chilly but got nicer by the end. We seen everything and got out of there at 3. We then went to white castle and got us some hamburgers then headed to the park to run out the remaining energy my kids had. We even went through a trail. My feet were killing me late Sunday but it was so worth it. Finally we got to do a family day. Our weekend consisted of us together and not extended family events. Don't get me wrong I love my extended family, but I love spending quality time with the people that live under my roof too.

 I decided to delay my test til I knew for sure if I really want to go or not. I might end up delaying til Ava is in school full time. Right now I do not see me being able to study as much as I should. I am still assessing the situation but for now that is what I think will happen.

My hubby also made me a sand and water table for the kids on Sunday. Check out what fun they had above. It is great for all ages!!!!