Breakdown

Breakdown!

Ok I am usually a pretty strong person. Yesterday I finally broke down. I had a bad head ache, Ava would not lach on, I was cooking dinner, Tina was home from school, I was trying to do too many things at once. Randy was also asleep. He is working overtime so that we dont get behind on bills. I could not take anymore. My lack of sleep and all the noise got to me and I broke down and cried like a baby. Having two kids is difficult. Sometimes there is not enough of you to go around. Its alot different from when I worked in the daycare and I had 7 at once. Those seven go home eventally but I have two kids all the time. One of my problems is I worry way too much. I need to stop that. Ava is fine she is getting enough to eat. She is happy after I feed her. Its hard because there is no way to measure breast milk. You have to measure by how she acts and her poop. Tina is also fine. She is starting to understand that the baby just needs more attention right now. Having two kids is like being pulled in two different directions all the time. You worry double time. I thought worrying about Tina was bad now I have a second to worry about. See all the while this was going on I could have just woke up Randy, but I know how we need extra money and how important it is for him to sleep right now. I am sure things will be fine. I love being a Mommy and I am not complaining. I dont have many friends so writing on here is a good way to get my feelings out. Well the baby is due for her next feeding soon. I have to pump also to get a supply in the freezer so Randy can feed her too. Have a nice day!

Breastfeeding wonderful, but hard all at the same time.

Ever since I found out I was pregnant I have been determined to breastfeed. I really wanted to with Tina but with school and everything I thought it would be too hard. Well here I am breastfeeding and learning thats its not so easy. Breastfed babies wake up every two hours to be fed. They also need their dipars changed before you feed and after. Dont get me wrong I am not going to stop. I just need some place to vent a little. My breasts are full! I mean they are really full. I hope Randy and I can go get a pump in the next day or so. Ava is not able to lach on properly with all the milk I have and its causeing me to be dry and cracked. So with no sleep I am in pain. Good news, Ava is getting what is best for her. I think thats important. I dont mind a little suvering. Hell I had two HG kids if I can get through that then I can get through anything. Well Tina is home from school I need to pay attention to her. I hope everyone has a great day.

Being a mother of two so far

So far its been a challenge to include Tina while I am breastfeeding. I think she feel left out. Thats all it seems like I do is breastfeed. Last night I made cupcakes with her and that seemed to have helped. I also include her when I change dipars and I am try to pay as much attention to her as possible. I love them both the same and I hope they both know that. I got my first school Christmas present from Tina its a magnet with her first school picture. I love it. I got a call from Avas doctor today, she took the billen test and it came back that she has a high risk of getting jaundice. Well she had to retake it Friday and it was the same. When Randy gets home from work we are going to go and have it again. Hopefully it comes back better. I cant help but to be kind of scared. I know jaundice is curable but I still worry. I am not looking forward to the test. They are going to take more blood from her foot.

I feel bad about something and I know its silly but this year is going to be a small Christmas. I am only getting Ava one thing and Tina four and some things for her socking. I hope Tina is not disappointed. We just don't have the money. I am not working and things are tight. I need a breast pump and I haven't even got that yet. I need it before I go back to work. Well I better go. I have to get Ava ready to go to the doctors. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Ava is here

Well Avanelle did not want to be induced. She really showed me. Tuesday morning my contractions were 15 minutes apart and by 6 that night they were 7 so I went to the hospital to find out I was in early labor. They kept me and I had Ava at 3:53 am on Wednesday. Funny how I was suspose to start induction at 6 lol. Have to go Ava is crying but I will finesh when I am able to.