Hate to break it to you, but not EVERYTHING is about you

My sister used to be my best friend, until she took back her idiot of a boyfriend. She is up his ass 24/7. He is the type that has nothing to do with his kid if he is not with her. Well after years of this immature bullshit, back and forth. People are sick of it. Nobody likes him. Not because of how he acts pre se but because of the constant bitching she used to do about him. Now that they have been on again for 5 months she expects all to be forgotten. Sorry it does not work that way. 

So here is what happened, I was having my child's 11th birthday, she comes in with him and expects everyone to joke around and be so thrilled to see him. Nobody really is. She gets all mad and acts like she is sick and leaves. 

Next day, she calls and copes an attitude. Boo Hoo nobody will talk to her boyfriend at the party. I got upset and let her go. I had days to think about that day, and I am still infuriated. She tried to turn my daughter's party into something about her? Are you kidding me? Maybe you should stop crying about your allergies and join the party. She was there 20 minutes, I had guest arriving, and I was setting up. I did not have time to worry about her feelings. This was about my daughter, it was her day. It's just like my sister to try to make everything about her. She finds hurt feelings were there are none to be had.

I can think of three times her boyfriend sat in the car and did not come in to visit. I can think of numerous other times I tried to be nice to him. I cannot be the only person trying here and I am tired of it. She needs some time to think about things and so do I. I need to decide if she is worth the trouble and drama to keep around. I am not doing this three times a year with her. She is going to have to grow up or stay away. I am doing too many things in my life to worry about her feelings every second. She wants involved then she needs to put her big panties on and talk to people. I am done with it. I seriously am.

Thrifty Mama!!!

I am always trying to find ways to save money. I go to Aldis to get some of my groceries, I do not use lights during the day time. We do not have cable. Well I came up with a few new ways to be thrifty and I am super excited!!!!

Just when you thought I could not get any crazier, I did. I am switching Corbin to cloth diapers and wipes. Matter of fact I am sewing wipes this weekend. I am making them out of old receiving blankets then making a solution to dip them in. I will write a tutorial on it in my recipe section. Anyway, in a month I should have all my diapers and hopefully in two I am going totally cloth diapers and no more disposables. I am so sick of the expense and I heard it is easier to potty train using cloth.

I tried out my wipes that I made with the ultimate mess, poop. They did so much better than disposable that I am in love!! I do not think I will ever use a disposable wipes again. Ok it's not perfect but I do not need perfect to wipe poop and pee off.

Am I Anti Social? and First week of class.

Call me anti-social but I just really do not like people. Besides my family and some ex coworkers. I just do not trust people. I might see a person in public and not even talk to them. Why? because I do not need drama, bs or I just do not care to chat. 

You would understand if you lived in my town. It's full of religious nuts and people who are just stupid. I do not have time for it. I have three kids, and a husband working his ass off to make a good living for us. If it's just us then there is no drama and no complications. I can do things the way I want. When you add friends in the mix, you set yourself up for hurt, drama and unnecessary stress. I have yet to meet someone who I would consider a real friend to me.  I have some ok friends but none that I 100 percent trust. 

I think it boils down to I like myself better than anyone. I am fine by myself. I do not have to have people all the time in my life to be happy. I have my kids, husband and family members. I am happy. It would be nice to have friends but who needs friends when they back stab you? When you the moment someone better comes along they desert you? Like I said I do not have time for it. 

If I was to have a best friend, she would have to be ok with me being an Atheist and maybe even share the same view point. She would have to no spank her kids, she would have to be creative and fun. Trustworthy and loyal. There is nobody like this in this town. So that is why I do not have friends. I am fine with that. I would rather have quality friends than quantity. But if I cannot have that then I am more than fine by myself. I have kids and husband to keep me busy. 

It is better to have one friend of great value than to have many friends of little value.
- Author Unknown

On another unrelated note, school week was crazy!!!! I feel like I have not even seen my husband this week. When he is home I am tired, doing homework or he is doing his homework. Wow it is more busy then I ever thought. I am glad though. I feel like both of us are moving to where we want to be. We will get reconnected this weekend on Sunday when we take the kids to pick apples. I love him and I know he loves me. 

My math work is going great. I am ahead  and getting all A's so far. My English is going well too. I have done all my homework and I am starting to work ahead. The hour and a half of being alone has really helped me this week. I have been able to do house work and get my homework done. I am feeling very good about it. Only I feel so busy. Before I know it the kids are home and I am waiting on Randy. I guess this is life now. Better get used to it. 

Ava's First "real" day of Preschool and Mommy goes to school

Ava went to school by herself yesterday. I was so proud and sad. She did so well though so I guess it was not that bad. I did cry. You know me, the big cry baby! I think today will be easier on me because I have math homework to do and that should keep me pretty busy for about an hour or so. Not mention I have housework. 

Yesterday, I started my math class. I was able to get ahead on my work and I feel pretty good so far. There is a problem I am wondering what I did. I think I might do some more of those problems before I start my homework. The program Pearsonlabs is great for people that have trouble in Math. They explain things so well and give you great strategies to complete your work and understand it. Who knows? maybe I am good at math after all! I feel like math and I are starting over. Who knows maybe we will have a long lasting relationship.

Avanelle's first day of Preschool.

Where did the time go? How did my little girl become 4 and in preschool? Seems like yesterday she was born. My little snowflake. She is not so little anymore.

She is much more rotten then I ever imagined lol. I love her and I cannot believe how fast time has flew and how much she has changed.

 She had a great day at Preschool. She was very respectful where some kids wanted to interrupt and very helpful with cleaning up toys. This really surprised me. Her teacher is wonderful. I could not imagine a better teacher for my big girl. Next week she goes all by herself. She is anxious to do so. She loves me but she loves her teacher too. Yeah those are her words.

I was ok with her going the first time but just thinking about her going alone makes tears well up. I am not sure I am ready. I guess I better get ready. It's happening.

Back to school, last day and open house

Back to school week!! As an abnormal mother, I cry every year this time. I guess I think too much. Every year is a year closer to my little worlds going out into the world. I have to trust that they know right from wrong and I have done my job right.
Here's Tina's First day.

She is a fifth grader now. All grown up. She is getting ready for middle school this year by changing classes. I love the outfit by the way. Freaking cute!! She had a great first day. I called her from work and she seemed very happy.  Next year is middle school. I do not want to talk about that at the moment.

 

My Last Day!

Today is my last day of work. I am feeling indifferent. On one hand I am overjoyed to get the opportunity to focus on school and the kids. On the other I am sad because it's like I am saying good-bye to 6 years of my life. I know I did the right thing but I cannot help but feel like this is the end of my friendships with coworkers and my clients. I am going to cry and be sad at 11 tonight but I know in my heart it was never forever. I need an education. Randy needs me to be on board with his new career. We need to work as a team. This is not the end for me just a new beautiful beginning. 

Ava had open house. She is so excited too. Thursday which is tomorrow she will go with me til 2:10. They are doing a staggered start. I am sure she will do fine. I just hope she remembers the rules and does what she is told. She is my most rotten child. She knows I expect more out of her in public then I do at home. I told that girl all summer!

 

And the bitch of the day award goes to......

Chasity Channell!!! Wooo Hooo! 

I would like to think my ex for being a worthless piece of shit and for once again not helping with nothing, my one year old for waking up before the roosters, and my girls for being extra crazy today. Oh I almost forgot my husband for waking up my son, for not doing anything I asked him to do, and for not giving me enough time to talk at him at lunch. I would not want to forget my neighbor, that crazy women once again blocked my drive way without asking. Thanks for being considerate. 



I am having one of "those" days. I want to scream and runaway. Nothing is going right!

Don't let this smile fool you. It's an old picture. I am pissy today!

It all started with my son. He woke up wanted to eat again. I fed him then tried to roll over. Oh no he was not having that. My husband then comes in and kisses me goodbye. He then talks to him, which is a huge freaking no no! Then the little man thinks he has 50 cups of coffee and proceeds to climb everything, get into everything, and drive his mommy freaking crazy! He is really not my only issue though.

Yesterday, I sent a text out asking my ex if he wanted to help with anything for school. (he has not helped in over two years). He gives me some freaking worn out excuse on how he does not have any money because he is moving. He has no other kids!!! He has one! Why can't he help with extra activities? He has not helped with softball or anything for two whole years. That was not the deal that  was that in our verbal contract. He does not pay health insurance any medical bills or anything. Guess who pays that? Randy does! Really frustrating and not fair.

Then the girls are not listening. I am not going to go into detail because honestly it's nothing new. Just getting to me more than usual. I am in a bad mommy mood so you know how that is.

Then you got my dumbass neighbor who does not have any respect or consideration for my driveway. She thinks it's hers to block anytime she wants. What happen to asking? What happen to being a good neighbor? Screw you lady!

Today might be horrible but like the optimist I am, I figure tomorrow is back up hill. I am sorry for those who had to deal with my wrath or my bitchy mood. Today is not a day to mess with me!!

I did it!!! I quit. Ready for my new Journey! and Did you really hang up on me?

Today I did it. I turned in my resignation from Basinger. I was super nervous and glad nobody important was there. I then as a courtesy I  called my supervisors and let them know since they were not at the office. I am just relieved that part is over.

I was sad for a few hours afterwards but I am glad it's over. Now  my life can be less stressful and more about my family. I am excited about starting at Columbus State and once Ava is in full day I am going to go full time. It was always the plan to get a degree, and now I can.


Really? Were my ears deceiving me. My mother hung up on me? I have news for her I was not even calling her. I was calling my sister. I have no reason to talk to her. What kind of mother dates your dad's cousin? What kind of mother does that shit? She wants to hang up on me? Well screw her!! She was a horrible mother anyway. I basically raised myself. She was too busy at the bar and with the man of the week to give a rats ass what we were doing as kids. That is why I got pregnant. I did not have a mother being a mother. Not to mention the physical and mental abuse I endured at her hands. She has not right to hang up on me. She is lucky she even gets a word from me on the damn holidays after the way she has treated me. Screw that bitch!! My life has been better without her. I am lucky I survived the hell that women has put me through.

Day one of new schedule for Corbin and My final decision

Today, I started Corbin on a new napping schedule. He typically takes two and I really want to consolidate it to one. I need the extra time during the day for my classes in a  couple of weeks. So we kept busy all morning. We painted, played outside, went for a car ride, and had lunch. He barely made it through lunch. Poor guy was exhausted.

So time will tell if I get more sleep and if he is able to rest a bigger period during the day, instead of taking two naps. I do not mind getting up early, I am going to have to get used to that again anyway. Not like I have not got up early all summer anyway. My kids do not sleep in lol.

There is no way I am going to do the whole let them stay up so I can sleep. Not judging those who do that but I personally feel it's selfish and it would never work for my family. Randy and I love to spend out 9- 11 pm time together. We drink wine and enjoy being married. It's about all we have. Kids need consistent schedules and going to bed early gets them ready for when they are going to do it in school. Anyway, my kids need their sleep. They would not do well going to bed super late.

Cuteness!!

Snoring away under his favorite blankie.


On another note. I have a decision to make. Yep yep. I know I said I wanted to "try" the whole job thing before I quit mine. Well, Randy and I talked it into the ground and we think maybe. Maybe is the key word. It may be a good idea to put in my notice before school starts. Work, school and three kids might be too much. So depending on what he finds out today about the job will depend on what I do. I am personally thinking it's better now then later. I can get things started out on a schedule and there will be less stress for me. I do not know I am very torn. Money is awesome to have, and I will miss my clients. I really do not know. I promise I won't think too long. I am just scared I guess.

How many resignation letters does one need?

Four if you are not sure what day you are quitting. I have one for the meeting ( in case it goes south). I have one in case Randy gets put on an off shift immediately. I have one for the end of the month, one and one for the time I originally thought I would quit. Is that four? I have no idea lost count. You get the idea though.

Is it wrong that I am excited about quitting? I mean I almost want to hoot, holler and jump up and down. It's not the job itself believe me. It's the people I work for. They do not get that people have kids and lives. They are unorganized and it is not compatible with my life anymore.

I cannot wait to tell them to take this job and shove it!!!

Big latch Baby! Wedding and future plans!!!

Super Duper freaking excited!!! So much I have to say today. So little time. I hope I can type fast enough before Corbin wakes up!

Big latch baby! What a fun time!  Two people is better than none. I feel energized and ready to make a difference. I ran into some people from Marion Wic. They invited me out to lunch but I had a wedding to go to so I could not go. I hope that I am able to become a part of wic even on a volunteer basis. I would love to help breastfeeding women.

I got a blanket from the event and me and the other mom( she had a 20 month old) latched our children together at 10:30. No cover!! I was super proud of doing that. I love feeling normal!

What's going on after this for me? More involvement in the LLL and wic support meetings to help other women. I have no problem with not getting paid. I love helping people and being there for them. What a great morning that was!

My friend since elementary school got married. I was so happy for her. I got to wear a pretty dress and go out with hubby. The day could not have gotten any better. I hope they have a long happy marriage. Having three kids to start a marriage is going to be tough. I am sure they are up for the challenge.

Now I get to the future plan part. Randy starts his new job and I am quitting mine September 24. By October 8th I will be done working for the time being. I am still actively looking for a job but with school I am not sure what will happen. I also got a call from the school and Ava gets to go to Taft. She will be in afternoon. So that worked out. Now for my school crap to work out. Then I will be set.

Marriage it predates Bible so what is the problem?

If you can show me a verse that says same sex couples should not be wed then please do. I know for a fact there is not one. 

Christians, I hate to break it to ya but you do not own the word marriage! Marriage traditions predate yours. You do not own the word or the definition.

The word marriage comes from, according to Wordorgins.org

marriage, n., the condition of being husband and wife, since 1975 sometimes applied to same-sex couples. Also applied to the ceremony and celebrations associated with the beginning of such a union. Also applied to other forms of relationship, often with a modifer, e.g., plural marriage. Since c.1400, the word has been applied figuratively to any close union or blending of any two things. The word dates to c.1300 and is from the Anglo-Norman mariage. Ultimately it is from the classical Latin verb maritare, to marry, used to refer to people, animals, and the crossing of grapes in viticulture and the nouns maritus/marita, husband/wife.

Then you have the history of marriage in general. It's older than the bible. I am not going to go into specifics but from my research marriage started with groups of people getting married. Men and women. In ancient Mesopotamia, even same sex couples got married. Even buried with one another. Same sex marriage is very old even older than the bible. Who says ( same sex couples)  are trying to redefine marriage? Personally I think the Christians are trying to redefine the word. I am highly offended by it too.

The other argument I am going to debunk is the whole "well our country was founded on christian values" Wrong again!! They then go and cite the Constitution. Really? Did you actually read the document? No where does the word bible or god even come up. The word creator has a broad interpretation. I would think if Christians wrote it, it would have god and bible verses all through it. Which it does not. Matter of fact most of our founders were diests. Look that up in the dictionary!

I think what Christians need is a good history lesson, bible reading and knocked the hell off their high horse!! You do not own this country!! You are not the only belief system our country has! Even Thomas Jefferson feared you people getting too powerful. He knew what would happen if the christian god ruled. Hate, forced laws making everyone believe like they do, and even the same thing the pilgrims were trying to get away from a  (government) trying to force religion on the masses. This country was founded on freedom! Freedom for me and you! Not just you!

In conclusion, how does same sex couples getting married and being happy affect you? How does it hurt your marriage? How the hell is it even your business who someone has in their bed? Do you want people telling you how to live your life? Probably not. So if you do not agree in having a same sex marriage, then you have the freedom not to do so. If you do not want an abortion then don't. But don't force your beliefs and values on other people. Two consenting adults have the freedom in this country to do as they please with in the law. You are nobody! Your bible is nothing if a person does not believe in it. Stop citing it and stop the hate.

Screw you Basinger Inc!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take this job and shove it! I do not get paid enough, promises are not kept, and organization is horrible. I am expected to sit around and not make any plans because who knows there may be a meeting called!!! Amber, screw you!!!

Really? A MANDATORY meeting. Are you kidding me? Instead of being all I am the boss do as I say or else, maybe try figuring out why nobody wants to come to your pointless meetings. It's mainly because they are not on our schedule for the month, they are called at last minute and nobody listens to us anyway. What's the point? Just send out a memo telling us what to do and stop wasting my time. I have three kids, husband, about to start school, have two kids starting school and my husband is starting a new job. I have to plan things. I am sorry that the company does not deem it necessary to plan anything but really that is not my problem. I am not a drop everything type of person. I need schedules and routine.

The thing that bothers me most is we had not even had a meeting in three months. There is no consistency. I would be more willing to go if we had a set time each month, then I could work my schedule around the meetings. Do they ask that? No they go off the deep end like little babies, crying whining and sending stupid notes. The communication is a problem. A real problem.

My boss even threatened Bobby is going to be there. So? Who the fuck is Bobby but his fathers little bitch boy anyway? I am not scared of Bobby. Really he also can kiss my ass. He is a disorganized piece of shit who thinks he does nothing wrong and knows everything. When his father is not around anymore to run the company he will run it into the ground!!! He has already started the process by being a fucking jerk.

I guess this company is not compatible with my beliefs and how my life is. I started looking at the job leads list today. Nothing really interesting there but a few home health companies to look into. I just do not know if I can do this anymore. I am also working on connections with wic and breastfeeding. I plan on attending the Big Latch on Saturday then going to the wic support meetings. Even something volunteer would be helpful. I am looking into making me happy. I want a job where I am appreciated and I am making a big difference. I love the ladies I work for and they will always be dear to my heart but I cannot take the bs any more. I need something more compatible with me and my dreams.

Anything Better?

Feeling kinda down today. I think it might be because seems like I am trying to make plans for next month and nothing seems to be falling in place. I find myself stressed and just wanting to cry.

Columbus state still has not processed my financial aid paperwork. I still do not know what books to get. I really am getting frustrated. I plan ahead and this last minute stuff is starting to get me anxious.

Work has been a pain in my ass. I love the ladies I work for. I just hate the disorganization and how I am expected to drop everything and go to a meeting at a drop of a hat. We have not had a staff meeting in three months. Frustrating to have plans and then for them to expect you to change them. It's not going to happen. I am not dropping my life every time they want to act like a "real" business. I feel stuck though and I hate that feeling. The hours work for me and if Randy is on first shift for awhile will continue to be "workable" til he changes. Which is enviable, he will be changing shifts back and forth.

I also found out today that Randy will start his new job the 20th. Right before the kids start school. I am fine with that. I am actually excited. We are testing things out to see if we can afford for me to focus on school and find a better job. I am unhappy. I should not have to be unhappy. I would never just jump and quit. That would make no sense and would put my family in a bad position which is something I would never ever do. So I will be working, going to school and being a mom for awhile. I am fine with that as long as I do not feel stuck. I want options. Will I have them? No idea. Only time will tell.

Today was also the first day of no direct tv. Randy and I decided it's an expense we do not need. Eventually when we can afford it, I plan on buying a smart tv so we can watch netflixs, hulu and get online from our tv. Stay tuned. The Channell household will have a new tv soon and join the year 2012.

Thanks blog! I am feeling better. Just getting my feelings out has always been the best therapy. I always follow up with my husband and I get out of this darkness every time. Writing, talking and I am going to be honest, sex has always been a great stress reliever for me. I will be back to feeling like me by the end of the day. I forgot music. I can turn it on and instantly be in a good mood. Not to mention those smiling faces that belong to my children. I will be fine!! I just have to de-stress and get refocused.

Why prayer does not work. 10 really good reasons.

As you know I am an atheist. I do not believe in any gods, goddesses, space aliens, magic unicorns, flying spaghetti monsters, or any other imaginary beings. With that said, do not "pray" for me. Not only do I not believe in prayer, I do not believe in wasting time talking to myself. 

Here's Why
1. Why would an all powerful "god" change his plan just for you?
2. The whole if you are really good god will do this, just makes me think of someone trying to control the masses. It's kind of like, how you bribe your kids to be good.
3. In Matthew 17:20 Jesus says: For truly, I say to you, if you have faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.

Look at the above quote and tell me that makes any type of sense? What about cancer patients that have prayed and died? What did they do wrong to make god want to take them. Don't tell me it's all a part of his master plan because this all perfect god does not have a perfect plan. If he did there would be no hunger, no Aids, no disease, and no other sufferings that this world experiences everyday. What god would make his own creations suffer? 

4.There is no scientific Evidence of god or that prayer works. If this incredible phenomenon worked don't you think everyone would believe? I mean all you have to do is have faith and someone grants your wishes. Amazing.

5. Why is your god, better than the gods of the past? People have believed in gods as long as humanity has existed. Yet there is no evidence any of these gods having ever existed. Not only that, but they have "talked" to their gods and have asked things. Once again why is one god better than another? Which one is the "true" god? How do we know that another religion does not have it right?

6. Which god should you pray to? I mean there are so many. Yet another question with a different answer depending on who you speak to.

7. Another problem I have with prayer is a friend of mine actually thinks government assistance is the act of god. Really? She got a whole new stove, fridge, oven for nothing. No it was not god honey, it was everyone around you who pays taxes that paid for stuff you really do not need. Yeah I said it she screwed the system. She has no kids, and she had perfectly good items already in her home. She played the income card and here comes her free stuff. That was not god.That was my tax dollars at work. Prayer was not at work here, she applied for the program, got accepted and here comes the free stuff! No god involved. I know god made everyone blah blah blah so therefore he was involved. Really? Prove it! If you cannot prove it then it did not happen. So thank the government. Not some imaginary being.

8. So if god made me, why do I have to apologize for the way he made me? I mean I like shell fish and mixed blend clothing. I like going to the bathroom and being alive ( original sin). I also love pork. Especially grilled and seasoned. I also really enjoyed all the premarital sex I have had.( I like to test drive things before I buy, this avoids buyer remorse). Did you know being fat is a sin? Yes it is. Write me down for that one.

I am the way I am. I am not going to apologize to someone who has never been proven and has never showed himself to me. Sorry. I do not believe things on just pure faith.

9. Science works and has been proven. Do you go to a preacher when you have a gun shot? Why not? because a doctor has the tools of an education and science to cure you. God is not going to remove the bullet from your body. You cannot just have a preacher pray over you then magically the bullet is gone. Everyone knows the end result if you do that. Death. That proves even christians do not have complete faith.


10. Wishful thinking is a wonderful thing. It's like a drug. Everyone wants good to happen. Everyone wishes for peace and happiness. It's easy to pray when you are at rock bottom and think "prayer worked" when you are suddenly coming back up from a hard time. It's easier to have someone else take responsibility (god) then take the responsibility yourself. It's also easier to believe in something then not to believe in anything. It comforting, in a world of many unknowns. But it is realistic? Really? Think about it. Do you believe in prayer because you actually believe or is it just easy? Do you believe because someone else taught you to believe?

This is why I believe prayer does not work. It's too easy to dismiss science and you can explain it anyway you want and it's just accepted.

Breastfeeding Toddler......

All those crazy breastfeeding positions I find myself in through out the day. Sometimes he stands, sometimes he is upside down, sometimes he is sitting straight up. I love it. I love feeding my little man past a year.

I know there is a backlash to breastfeeding a toddler. People are going to tell me stories about how their dad was breastfed til he was 20 and how clingy it can make a baby. Blah Blah Blah. In one ear and out the other! I will feed him til him and I are ready to give it up. He will not be twenty but I have no deadline or expiration date for our relationship. Why would I do that to him? It does not hurt it. It has nothing but benefits. I am sorry some people may have a problem with it. Sorry it's their problem not mine. I am glad we have made it this far and I hope we continue for awhile longer.

With all of that said I have some things urking me at the moment. 

Here I go again on my soap box,

I do not get this why do people feel the need to complain every time a breastfeeding article or study comes out . Breast is Best, it's a fact. Nobody is ever trying to say your kids is stupid or sickly because you did not breastfeed. They are showing the risks involved in not breastfeeding. I am sorry for those that feel so bad that they must have a pity party every time something new comes out. I think you may want to get an appointment with a health professional if you feel the need to justify your actions every time you see something.

I know my daughter does not have normal health or a normal iq because of my decisions. Without breastfeeding her she did not get the fats that are required for normal brain development (these fats cannot be found in formula). But I did nurture her and that is another factor in child brain development. Her brain development could be better and I know that and I admit it. I made a mistake and I corrected it. I do not justify it.

If your child turned out fine. Great! But your child could have turned out better. Health wise and beyond. If you cannot be women enough to say I did this and it was not the "best" I could give my child, then you really have some growing up to do. Everyone makes mistakes. We admit them and we learn from them.

Lake Erie Trip

I love Lake Erie. It's so beautiful looking at the boats swaying in the horizon, and the how the lake and the sky  touch each other. The perfect blends of two different shades of blue. The sky and the water.

My family and I went to Jefferson, Ohio to ride A C and J railroad. My husband's coworker had free tickets and Avanelle loves trains. We figured it is the perfect trip. It just so happened to be "Magic Weekend", so we also got a free magic show on the train for the kids. While the magic was what I would call cheezy, the kids loved it. All three got a little present on the train. The girls got a magic trick (which broke two minutes later) and Corbin got a hat he would not keep on unless I was feeding him popcorn.We really enjoyed the hour and a half ride. I seen a beautiful deer jumping in the field as we were riding by. The kids missed it and so did my camera. 

We then went to Fairport Light House. We have been there before but it was about two years ago. Tina recently has started to be interested in ghost stories. I guess Fairport is haunted by a ghost cat. We did not witness the presence of this ghost cat but it was fun for Tina to see the video they had playing about it in the museum.

Time just slipped away and the kids had plans on Sunday with Grandpa Larry so we had to cut our beach visit so much shorter then I wanted. but the little time we spent there was beautiful. Corbin loved the water and it was perfectly shallow for the girls. What a great trip this was for my family. Hopefully, there are more to come as we become more sucessful money wise and career wise.

The inconvience of having a child.......

Why have a child if it is so inconvenience to do what is best for them? I am so sick and tired of hearing about sleep training, and expecting an infant to sleep all night at the age of three months. (recently seen a segment on Live with Kelly that urked me) Why have a child if you do not want the responsibility of waking up with them and being a parent?

Babies do not need schedules til they are past a year. You should feed your child on demand to keep them hydrated and happy. Not all babies sleep all night early on. Studies have shown that having a child "cry it out" is harmful to the brain (before one mind you). Babies cry for a reason. You feel bad for a reason. We are designed to meet our babies needs.

I do not care what grandma said, you cannot spoil a child by caring for them. Hold your child, love your child! Your child is not an inconvenience but a part of your family.

Another thing that urks me, is the whole my baby is trying to manipulate me. Are you serious? Babies do not have the brain capacity to manipulate you til they are past a year.

Another one of my pet peeves, is the whole breastfeeding debate. Why have a child if you are not willing to learn about feeding them the very best? I understand there are circumstances that make it so women cannot breastfeed but in this society we make it too easy to give up. If you stay at home anyway while hubby works the least you can do is breastfeed. Especially if you are having tax payers pay for your formula through wic. No wonder our economy is suffering. We could save millions a year on just educating women on breastfeeding. ( no offense to those that use formula or wic, just they need to make cuts and formula would be the best one)

Wic is cutting their peer consulting funding when in reality I think they should cut their formula funding. I think insurance should be responsible for formula if there is a medical need. Wic should be a health program from low income and under educated people.

Wic gives brand name formula when they could save millions on giving either no formula or off brand formula. I wish they would investigate this and make changes.

Anyway off my soap box.......


Education is power and we owe it to our children to educate yourselves on how to be a good parent. I will never stop reading and educating myself. My goal is to succeed where my parents failed. I am not perfect, but I try to be the best I can be everyday. Somedays I loose it. I am human. I never treat my kids like an inconvenience. In reality I am going to miss them someday when they are all grown up. I cherish everyday.

What is everything? This is...............

Randy got the job!!!!!!!!

I knew it , I knew it, I knew it ( picture me jumping up and down). Randy got the job!!! I am so proud of him. So here we go what's next? I am actually not sure. We are still playing things by ear. I hope when he gets home today we have more information about the job. I personally do not know what I want. I am not happy at my job but one income scares me greatly. It does Randy too. So right now I am not sure what we are going to do. My list of concerns are still there. His are too. What's next? Stay tuned. Anything is possible. Until then look at the message above. Randy Channell rocks and I treasure the day I met him. He is an incredible man and I hope to be worthy of him someday.

Sniff Sniff my little girl has her first zit!

My little girl is growing up! I noticed she has gotten her first pimple on her nose. Like the mad mom I am I made her let me take a picture of it. Then I took her out and we got some zit killing stuff.

I wonder how much longer I have til this girl has her period. I am guessing a year or less. She is filling out and she even has a little figure. I look at her and I cannot believe it. Makes me sad. But look at that beautiful face! I love her and I am super proud of her

Interview today.........

It was a long night with Mr. Corbin. He wanted to sleep with me but wanted to toss and turn. I could not sleep hardly at all. We actually ended up waking right before Randy left for work. I got to wish him good luck and give him a good luck kiss.

Later, I heard from him and he is confident that the interview went well. He seemed happy and did both interviews. He had a bunch of recommendations and his resume thanks to his sister was flawless. If he does not get in I will be completely shocked. You will have to pick me up off the floor. If they do not pick Randy for one of their 11 spots then they are crazy.

My husband is a hard worker. He has been with whirlpool for over 10 years now. Randy goes above and beyond his job. There are so many people that respect him and like him at work. I think staying with one job as long as he had says, he is committed and reliable. I am so proud of him. I really did marry well. I can depend on him to make good money and keep it flowing lol.

He will start this apprenticeship program at 22.30 an hour. Every six months he will get a raise. He will have to work a bunch of overtime but I know it's what he wants so I will do everything to make it work. I think it will be good for us both to be moving forward with our lives at the same time. I hope someday I make him proud too.

This is the week of change!

This week is Randy's interview for an easier life for us. This week is going to make or break us. I have butterflies in my stomach for Randy. I know he will do great but I can't help being nervous and scared about what this means for our family.

I am not sure if we are on the same page. I really do not think Randy understands that I really want to focus on school work and the kids. I really do not want a job in the equation if I can help it. I am taking two very demanding classes next quarter. I need the time and with a job I am not sure if that would be possible. The more I think the more I love the idea of being at home doing homework and raising our kids. I want to do something I like. Not do some dead end job and put up with the same bs. I do not think he wants that. He wants me to have a job. I would love to work but I also would love to have a degree. I am almost 30 years old. He has more college time in then I do. I need some college time too. I have helped him do what he wants to do. I hope he will be willing to help me.

I have tried to open up the conversation but I think he is dead set on me just finding another job. He is going to have to catch up because while I am open to conversation, I also have the right to do what I want. I would like him to agree, but at the same time I am going to be the one doing everything. I hope he gets that. I just hope soon we can make plans and get on the same page. I want us to be on the same page. Worries me when we are not completely there. Knowing Randy and I, I am making a bigger deal out of this then it really is. He will go with whatever makes me happy. I just don't feel like I communicated clearly what I want.

Friday the 13th

Today is Friday the 13th be scared be very very scared. 

Nothing is going right for me. My pay was only half, Corbin woke me up 100 times, I have bills to pay, and barely any money. I am going to have freaking a million late fees. 

Is today over yet? 

Any good news?

What am I going to do? I have to pay my house payment by the 16th. I do not think my pay will get fixed til next time. That will be past the date. I have to get gas and groceries. Of course somehow this pay error will be my fault. Nobody ever takes responsibility for their errors. Makes me so mad!

Anyway, I was thinking and thinking and thinking some more. If everything works out. Meaning my financial aid, Randy gets his job, and I have a refund from financial aid. I think I have a plan. The plan is I am going to quit my dead end job. Take the money I have left over get my books and maybe go to school online for my breastfeeding counselor certificate along with my other two classes from Columbus State. I am not sure what Randy thinks because he really did not reply when I told him. I hope he agrees and tries me make me feel less guilty about quitting. Like I said before I really don't want to. But with him working an off shift I will be forced to. Maybe I will get a little part-time job. I do not know that part yet. I just know I am not happy. Quitting makes me feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Like I can do anything and I am less scared. I am more focused and even excited about the possible changes.

Happy Fourth of July...Late!

On the fourth of July we had a crazy storm. The fireworks got cancelled. Usually, my town will do a make up day. Not this year. Instead we had to travel to a different town to see them. Really annoying! Anyway, We went and we seen the fireworks. My girls loved it and so did Corbin. He kept clapping and seemed very happy about the bright lights and the big booms.

Due to the weather being so hot and so rainy we still have not done any of our sparklers. I think we may do those tomorrow night.

My Worst Nightmare!

I always hated the whole idea of being a stay at home mom. Devoting every second to cleaning and children. I love having a job and being away for a bit with "grown ups".

I think that may "have to" come to an end for me. It was never in my plan. It was never anything I wanted. 

I always wanted to make sure I had a job for security, independence, self worth and feeling needed.

Randy is hopefully starting a very intense Apprenticeship  program. It's going to mean more money and more overtime. Working weekends and holidays. Working all the time for the next five years.

This is going to be like nothing our marriage has ever experienced. We are going to be tested like we have never been tested before. This scares me. 


My concerns are something I feel the need at this very moment to get down on paper or internet. These are thoughts I need written down so I can make a decision. Hopefully a decision that is based on my kids, husband and my needs. 


List of my concerns:
1. School for kids, getting them to and from
2. Babysitting- how will my mil do with the change of shift
3. I don't like that every other weekend my kids will be at a babysitters
4. Babysitter and health problems. Randy cannot call off
5. School work being done at Grandmas
6. Enough sleep for children
7. My school work, Can I be a single mom (most of the time) and keep up? 
8. Time with my hubby Will work interfere with us time? Will my job just be a thorn in our side?
9. I am personally not happy at my job
10. I do not want to quit my job scares me
11. Activities besides being a mom. 
12. Time with kids 
13. Having one parent absent a bunch means one needs to be present. 
14. Scare (did I say that already? )


To sum up this whole messy list of mine, I have to say that no matter what I choose to do I know Randy will do everything to support me and make it work. I trust that. 


In the end my kids comes first. End of story. I have to do what is right for them.

Make it stop........

OMG!! In the words of my middle child Ava. I do not know if I can take anymore whining from that whiny little boy Corbin. I understand he is teething. But I just want to tear my ears off. He cries and cries. I just want to run away from home! I tried giving him cold watermelon, holding him til my arms felt like they were going to fall off, and I have tried everything else that I am much to tired to list.

Speaking of tired, (drained, worn out, fatigued, popped, wiped out, ready to drop, and many other words that the thesaurus lists) That boy needs to sleep! I am so tired of feeding him at 4 am. I am tired of the coughing ( his sign he is hungry). I am tired of holding him and him moving away from me. I do not sleep WELL!

 So I guess all I can say is..........

Corbin is one!!

How did a year past? Seems like just yesterday I was puking my guts out and ancipating dieing instead of having my little boy. I am glad I stuck it out lol. Anyway he is one!!! It's been a terrific year of ups. Breastfeeding went very well this time around. He loves it. I do not anticpate him giving it out anytime soon.

His party went very well. It was super hot so very few people showed up. We still partied like crazy though.

http://channellpictur5es.shutterfly.com/6247 for pictures!

In Memory........

What a bad week last week was. I think Saturday I felt all the grieve I was feeling  but had to keep inside. I tried to channel that grieve into something more productive. I started planning a memorial garden for her. I figure lots of pink and a stone that say Abby. I do not think that helped. The whole day all I wanted to do was cry.

I know what I want to be when I grow up!!!!!!

27 years old and finally have a passion beyond passions. I want to be an LC. I know the path I need to take and I am so excited. Today I am going to my first LLL meeting. To meet people and to eventually maybe have a chapter in my home town. I do not know how to go about this but it is becoming my passion. I think and I know to be true that breastfeeding could save lives. Could save families money on medications. I really think more women would succeed if there was more support. I want to be that support. First I have to become an RN then I have to get my hours helping breastfeeding moms. I talked to wic and I am hoping they call me back to become a peer counselor. I seriously would quit my current job and find a way to do it. I would jump today if I had to. I really want this more than anything. Wish me luck.

It's not ok to take medication while pregnant but I will give my child formula, And other backward choices

Am I judging you? Yes probably so. Why would a person sit and suffer rather than take a medication to stop the heartburn but in the same breath say they are going to bottle feed? You know formula can be recalled. The very milk you are drinking could be contaminated. If we sat around worrying about things getting recalled , we would never get anything else done. To each their own but I don't think that makes sense.

Then you have the moms that are all about attachment parenting and breastfeeding, but in the same breath spank their kids. Once again I think that is crazy. Those two things do not go together!!!

I had to get that off my chest. So aggravating to listen to these people talk.

My four year old is breastfeeding!!!!!!

My baby girl nurses her baby penguin. I am so proud of her and the fact she understands this is the way babies are suppose to be fed. So cute!

I wish this was a dream.....

As a mother, your worst fear is loosing a child. I cannot imagine that pain and I hope to never experience it.

Yesterday, I received a call from my mother in law. My sister in law who was pregnant with twin is going in for an emergency c section. Her daughter's heartbeat was not able to be found. Long story short they delivered my nephew and my niece was born still born. My heart is broken. My sweet little niece is no longer with us.


What god would do this? My sister in law only ever wanted to be a mother. She struggled for years with infertility and finally she was pregnant after invitro. Then she finds out it's twins! Shortly after that she finds out that she is having a boy and a girl. Her life is coming together and she can finally have the family she always wanted. She is a very devoted Christian. Then yesterday that perfect ending is just stolen from her. No baby girl. Why? 


Why does an Atheist like me get three kids, the love of my life and the family I always wanted but a devoted Christian has struggled to get this? This is god's plan? How cruel this so called god is. How unfeeling and cruel. 


This whole thing gives makes me more atheist than I ever was before. My niece deserved life just like my kids do. My niece deserves to be here so I can hold her. Why! Why? If anyone is made to be a mother it is my sister in law. I do not get it. I am not angry at this so called god. I am angry that this has happened to my sister in law. I am angry that my niece is not here and I will never get to meet her. I will never get to hold her. Then people go on and on about god's plan. Killing babies is god's plan? There is no such thing as god. My niece died because her heart stopped. Not because god wanted her. She is gone because she had something wrong with her that the doctors did not detect. It makes my heart hurt just as much either way though.

Our Amazing bean

Wow 24 hours!!! I love how fast it is growing!!

Really Anne Romney

Dear Ann Romney,
I really think you are a complete disgrace! Comparing yourself to hard working stay at home moms is disgusting! I mean a stay at home mom actually works. There is no one to take care of their children, clean up after their children or even cook for their children. So before you go on the defense about a job you know nothing about remember you are out of touch!

Let's pretend for argument sake that staying at home for you is a hard job. Tell me a time you took out the trash? Tell me about a time you stayed up all night with a sick child. Tell me about a time when your child needed something and you hoped that you could afford it when pay day came after you paid your various other bills. I do not believe you would be able to tell me of any of that. 

Ann, your children have been gone for 13 years. Why do you still not have a job? That's right your stay at home mom days are over and you still do not have a job!

There is nothing worse than a women who opens her mouth who is clueless! That is what you are. A clueless ignorant women! You and your husband know nothing about hardship or being under water on a mortgage . My husband and I work hard only to be stuck in a house we are slowly growing out of. Meanwhile, you and your husband have robbed people of their jobs and their financial security. Shame on you!!!!

Please Ann do not go on and on about how not to hate you because you are rich. It's not about you being rich at all. It's about you not being able to connect with 99% of women. You cannot put yourself in our shoes. You cannot even imagine how different you are from regular women. It's not your fault I know. It however became your fault when you started trying to misrepresent the truth. People can see right through your lies you know.

So please Ann , be honest. You were not a stay at home mom in the traditional sense. You were a rich privilege women. You  not only never held down a job, but the very job you brag about you never held it down either.

Don't Label Me!!!!

The first part of my blog today is going to be about religion then the second part will be about the family.

Religion

A child is not born a christian, Muslim, Jew or even an Atheist. A child is born with the right to decide for themselves. of course it is up to the parents to let them practice that right. I take my children to the secular parents group and the Humanist Community. The good thing about both of these places is that they are not forced or brainwashed to believe in anything. There is a huge value of education and deciding for yourself at these places. Nobody tells my children that they "must" believe in anything. My kids are looked at as individuals that can choose for themselves when the time comes. We encourage thinking and questioning everything. Including Atheism and Humanism. My children are introduced to religion as they get older and can think for themselves. I have books about Christianity and other religions at their exposal. Matter of fact they are encouraged to be education when they make their decisions. I do not want them to think that just because I feel a certain way they must. Or read a book and think it is truth. Nobody knows what the truth is.

Family 

Step child, Child from previous relationship, half sister, half brother, and many other variations of labels are not tolerated in my family. I will tell you why. Because it is hurtful and it sends a message that someone does not fit in. I hate when people do this. You are either family or not!! It's simple. It's not the child's fault they are not the bio child of the person you are with. They should not be punished with a label. If they child wants the label then sure fine they made that decision. 

So in a nutshell I am basically saying that while we are parents and it is our responsibility to teach our children, it is not our job to tell them who to be. We can guide them and give them resources but in the end the decision is theirs and theirs alone. I will love my children no matter what they decide but I refuse to decide for them. I just want them to take the time to think. A great way to raise free thinking children is have them read and explore ideas. I want my children to not count out any possibility to why we are here and what our purpose on earth is.

Let there be life in my garden!!!

Let there be life in my container garden! And there is. My garden is looking great so far. I have peas in their five gallon buckets already. I have cucumbers that will be moving to their permanent home soon. I have lazy beans but they are starting to sprout. I have lettuce that needs a salad table ( hint hint hubby) I have strawberries starting to form their green leaves. I have four beautiful broccoli plants. Every child's nightmare.  And many others. Unfortunately I do not have pepper sprouts yet. Hopefully soon. This weekend I am doing some major planting and getting ready for the season. I will update the plant pictures as they progress. There is nothing like fresh veggies and frutis from your garden. Anyone can do this even with very little space and knowledge!

                                                     Hello Broccoli. 3 other plants like this

                                                    Romaine Lettuce three in each.

                                                               Tina's zinnias. Ava's daisies not pictured. Still pretty small.                       
  


  Lazy green bean just starting  
                  

 

                                                                         Roma tomatoes are getting there           (above)

             Sugar snap peas below. 3 more of these                                                                                               

           














                                                                                                          Cucumber needs a bigger home.

Strawberry Plant getting bigger! I have three. This is one of them.