My Worst Nightmare!

I always hated the whole idea of being a stay at home mom. Devoting every second to cleaning and children. I love having a job and being away for a bit with "grown ups".

I think that may "have to" come to an end for me. It was never in my plan. It was never anything I wanted. 

I always wanted to make sure I had a job for security, independence, self worth and feeling needed.

Randy is hopefully starting a very intense Apprenticeship  program. It's going to mean more money and more overtime. Working weekends and holidays. Working all the time for the next five years.

This is going to be like nothing our marriage has ever experienced. We are going to be tested like we have never been tested before. This scares me. 


My concerns are something I feel the need at this very moment to get down on paper or internet. These are thoughts I need written down so I can make a decision. Hopefully a decision that is based on my kids, husband and my needs. 


List of my concerns:
1. School for kids, getting them to and from
2. Babysitting- how will my mil do with the change of shift
3. I don't like that every other weekend my kids will be at a babysitters
4. Babysitter and health problems. Randy cannot call off
5. School work being done at Grandmas
6. Enough sleep for children
7. My school work, Can I be a single mom (most of the time) and keep up? 
8. Time with my hubby Will work interfere with us time? Will my job just be a thorn in our side?
9. I am personally not happy at my job
10. I do not want to quit my job scares me
11. Activities besides being a mom. 
12. Time with kids 
13. Having one parent absent a bunch means one needs to be present. 
14. Scare (did I say that already? )


To sum up this whole messy list of mine, I have to say that no matter what I choose to do I know Randy will do everything to support me and make it work. I trust that. 


In the end my kids comes first. End of story. I have to do what is right for them.