Growing up and being a better person...... Especially after Ida.

My mother was always the drama type. As I look back I see myself alot like her in my early 20s maybe even before that. She was always quick to anger and quickly jumped to conclusions. I have learned that things are not always as they seem. Sometimes you need to take a moment and process everything. Sometimes you need to sleep on it. I have learned to pick my battles and forgive people. I have learned to own my actions and deal with the consequences of my bad behavior.

Somehow though my mother has not learned this yet. To this day she claims to have done nothing wrong as a parent. She never hit me as a teen with Christina in my arms. She never punched me three times in the face when I was an adult during an argument.She never kicked me out of the house with my infant daughter. She never called me names and put me down. No Ida Mae does nothing wrong! She is always right and you better do what she wants you to do or their will be hell to pay. She will never ever take responsibility for her actions and she will never own that she has screwed me up in ways. Nope never!

So if I am funny about relationships it may be because I have always been hurt. I am quick to judge and quick to protect myself. Always putting a sheild up. Every since I met Randy though I have been slowly changing. I am making friends at work. I am learning to forgive. I am reflecting upon my past actions and learning from them. I am trying hard to be a good example for my girls. No I am not perfect. I am the first one to stand up and say I have done some really bad things. But the point is I am trying. I am trying to better myself. I am trying to get past the cycle of abuse. I finally think it is broken at least for my children. The cycle of addiction is broken too. I do not do drugs, rarely drink. I see the effects it has had on my family and I have chosen a better life for me. I am a phoenix out of the ashes. I might of came from nothing but I refuse to be nothing. I learned you cannot love anyone til you love yourself. I love myself. I love being me. Took me years to get here but I am here. I will never be done improving myself but I have come along way. Especially after having Ida as a mother.