Christina is becoming a women! I cannot believe I am bra shopping!

Seems like yesterday I was holding my 5 pound baby. She was small for gestational age and was born sick. She was not very alert and slept alot. Now she is a nine year old tween. I noticed she has breast buds.This is the beginning of puberty. Really thinking about it has me happy but sad at the same time. She is my oldest and I cannot believe how fast she has grown. 

Friday I am taking her shopping. I cannot believe we are going to be in the bra asil for the first time together. This is going to be a great mother- daughter bonding moment. I remember my mother making this situation very uncomfortable. I want her to find it fun. Maybe I will spurge and take her to Columbus into the Justice for girls store.She really likes that store. Let her pick out two new outfits and some bras. I am getting excited. I have a chance here to be the mom, that my mom wasn't. I want to make her feel like I am not only her mother but a go to friend.She can feel comfortable talking to me about changing or fears. I am here and I have already been through puberty and survived! I am very sad though this is a new chapter I was not expecting to go through already. I feel scared and happy. I know the tween and teen years are hard. Sometimes mothers and daughters fight. I hope that Tina and I have a strong relationship that gets through it. 


You know at this age not having my father around really bugged me. I used to cry all the time. Tina does not do that. I mean the man did not even call his daughter on the holidays. He did not call her til a month later. She does not seem to care. I hope it's because Randy and her have the bond. Let's face it Jeff has no idea how to be a father. He brags about his step children but he never once has had to deal with anything with Christina growing up. Not her first tooth loss, first day of school nothing. Yet now she is becoming a women and he has missed out on all that time. By choice even. I am just glad Tina gets that it is what it is. She appreciates the little amount of time she gets with him. Once a year is not enough. Not enough to see your child grow or to have a good relationship with them. Sad but there is nothing I can do. I give him all the visitation he wants but he refuses to take advantage of it. He could see her almost every day if he wanted. We would not even have to have a parenting plan or anything written down. I know how important it is for a little girl to know her father. But she is not number one to him. Never has been. One of the reasons why we are not together. My child has always come first. My life has been about her and making sure she is happy. Jeff barely calls once a month. I know she could call him. She never wants to. They just do not have the bond a father and daughter should have. She is used to him being gone. She has also found a great dad in Randy. If I could go back in time he would be her biological father. Not Jeff. All the crap I had to deal I would have gotten smart and moved on. He was never worth it. Tina will know that someday on her own. She is not his number one. Hell she is not even number two. The first four priorities he has is himself. 

Anyway, I am glad she is not experiencing heartache. She is growing up healthy and happy. She has a strong mother and a very strong father living with her. Who would have thought I would be saying I am taking her bra shopping? I never thought this day would come. It has though and I am ready for it. Ready to be a mom to a growing women. Tina is my daughter. I love her very very much. So much that I gave her the life she deserves. A home with a stable mother and father. That is the greatest gift you can give a child. Also a mother . she can talk to and trust.