One of my updates is the fact that I finally picked a major. I guess I knew all along what I wanted to do. I was just to stubborn and worried about failing to actually pursue my passion. I want to be a teacher. Yes, I am back where I started. Sometimes your first thought is the right one and all the second guessing and doubts are life lessons. I am back on the road I started down. I am older, a mother of more kids and married to a supportive husband. I can do this. I have to do this.
Another update is on my kiddos. Corbin just turned two! I tear up as I type that statement. I cannot believe my baby is no longer a baby. Ava started Kindergarten. I am so proud of her. Tina started middle school. I am amazed by the little women she is becoming and humbled by the fact that she comes to me with her problems like I am her most dearest friend. That's all I ever wanted for my children!
The last update is on my ever changing situation with my family and Randy's. Randy's mother is still my best friend. I doubt that will ever change. Amanda and I are not close or were ever close like I wanted. She apparently has some hang ups over me not believing the way she does. She did not include my family in her daughters obituary. It was very hurtful to find that out and I am working through what to do next.
My mother and father are about the same. There is no relationship and has painful as it is someday, I know deep inside that it is what it is. I cannot change anything when they don't want to change. Everyone seems unconnected with my family. I feel like we are by ourselves in this world. The only people we can depend on are the people that live under my roof and my husband's parents. I feel like people on both sides avoid us or blow us off. I hope to correct this problem as my kids grow older but I don't see anything I can really do.Everyone has their own lives and I guess for some it does not include my family.
My half -sister Cassie and I are not talking. I am sad about that situation probably the most. All I ever wanted was a relationship with her but I don't think it's possible because she cannot accept my atheism. I accept that she is Christian. I am glad that she has a faith that helps her. I wish she would be happy for me finding happiness in living my own life free of dogma and hate. I guess we are too different. She is having a baby in December that I will never know. It's sad to see religion tear families apart. It's sad that people cannot accept others. It's even more sad that people are just a label and not treated as people.
My husband and I are doing well. I was worried about a women he met at work and we had a little disagreement. It was mainly because he never mentioned her to me. It scared me shitless to think that my husband of six years may be having an inappropriate relationship with someone else. I felt like my life was being stolen from me. Thankfully, it was a misunderstanding. I kind of jumped to conclusions. I should have just trusted him. Sometimes we let old wounds control our lives. This was the case in this situation. I was letting my past control my present.
In my defense though, he could have told me about her and I would not have been suspicious. It's the fact that he never mentioned her and he was talking to her on FB that concerned me. I am glad we worked through it.
Randy and I took the bad situation and made it into a wake-up call that we have been way too comfortable lately. We both need to try harder to make the other person feel wanted. We both have been texting more when we are apart and talking more than ever. I think we had a lapse of disconnection due to college and his time consuming job. I really do think we are in a great place right now.
So overall, life is great and I could not ask for more. I do wish that the family was more loving and close. Maybe that will come in time. 
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